You shall not covet

God’s Top Ten List, X:
“You Shall Not Covet”
Exodus 20:17
Rev. Clark Lynn Callender, 11/14/10

Many years ago, when I was a young boy, I remember witnessing an encounter between two brothers that taught me a great lesson...
There were these two brothers that lived a few houses up the street from us. And one day, the elder brother had in his hands some money which he held out to his younger brother. “Mom gave me this change so we can buy some candy,” the older boy said, “Which do you want - the five nickels or the one silver dollar? Your choice”
The younger brother, not fully understanding the value of the coins, eagerly took the five over the one believing he was getting the better end of the deal. With that, needless to say, the older brother turned and went away with the silver dollar, laughing, knowing that he was the true winner here.
Now, what’s the great lesson in this? Never trust your siblings? No. The lesson is this: That it’s very easy, in seeking to be happy in this life, to reach for the wrong thing. This is our topic this morning: In pursuing happiness, are we reaching after the RIGHT THINGS?

This morning we finally arrive at the last of the Ten Commandments: “You shall not covet” – a commandment which, for many, seems a rather “anti-climactic” way to conclude things. This is generally the most overlooked and forgotten of the ten. It’s been called the “Rodney Dangerfield of the Decalogue” – its lack of respect seemingly due, for the most part, to its lack of forceful impact in comparison to the other nine. As one scholar notes (somewhat tongue-in-cheek):
“Whoever approved the final order of these commandments didn’t have much sense of suspense or climax. He put all those great, dramatic, intriguing sins like stealing, adultery, and murder, first. Then he ended with coveting. It would have been far more logical to begin with the bland, throw-away sin of coveting; and then work up to the big, exciting stuff.”
Is this just a “bland, throw-away sin”? Could it have, just as easily, been edited from the list and never been missed? Is it of far less importance than the other nine? Or is this, perhaps, the one commandment second only in importance to the First Commandment?
This is the premise of my discussion this morning: That, in many ways, this final commandment is second in importance only to the first. This, in that it not only ENCAPSULATES many of the KEY THEMES found throughout the other nine – such as the danger of ingratitude to God or insensitivity to our neighbor; but, even more, that it DIRECTS US BACK to the UNDERLYING MOTIVATION that most often gives rise to the breaking of the other nine. For instance, covetousness (desiring what another has) most often precedes acts of stealing or murder or adultery.
Like the First Commandment, the Tenth pertains to an INTERNAL issue. The other eight deal with externally recognizable actions. You can hear or see if a person has stolen, or murdered, or given false witness, or taken the name of the Lord in vain. But the First and the Tenth deal with internal THOUGHTS and MOTIVATIONS, things that can’t necessarily be seen, can’t be “policed” – matters of the individual HEART; and thus, this makes their impact and influence far more powerful than the others.
The Tenth Commandment is not a “throw-away”; rather, it, along with the First, form the “bookends” of the Law. Bookends that frame for us the primary internal drives within us that produce the true keeping of the Law and thus the life God wants for us.
The First Commandment asked of us: What is your PRIMARY COMMITMENT in life? And now the Last Commandment, in effect, asks this same question once again, only from a slightly different direction, a somewhat more “practical” perspective. Here the question perhaps being better stated as: What do you MOST DESIRE? What are you REACHING FOR?
The commandment speaks of “coveting” which comes from the verb “to desire.” Desire, in and of itself, being nothing wrong – it’s a neutral thing. For example, one can “desire” good things like knowledge and faith.
The problem is not desire. The problem, according to the text, is desiring the WRONG THINGS. This is the fundamental argument here: That we all desire things; but are we desiring – pursuing, reaching for – the things that will open the good, joyful life God wants for us (which, as noted at the outset of this series, is the whole purpose of the Ten Commandments); or are we reaching for something that will ultimately keep all this from us?
You see, this commandment (as with all of them, but particularly this last one as it looks back over all that has come before) is ultimately about HAPPINESS - how you find it, how you lose it.
I would like to offer what I call “THE FOUR BASIC RULES OF HAPPINESS” that are derived from this final great Tenth Commandment...
(I)
Rule #1: REMEMBER THAT HAPPINESS IS AN INSIDE JOB.
This is where we begin: As mentioned, this commandment deals with INTERNAL issues, but notice that it does so by talking about the EXTERNAL things that we so often seek. The opening “inference, in effect, being: Which is running your life – internals or externals? Which are you most seeking?
This is what covetousness is first all about: It’s about being driven by EXTERNALS. It’s about looking at things OUTSIDE ourselves and wanting those things, figuring: “If only I had that, I’d be happy.” A don’t we all so often do this? “A little more money, nicer home, better job, better health... then I’ll really be happy.”
But, of course, as we all well know, it doesn’t necessarily work out that way. In a lesson is seems we all have to constantly relearn, happiness isn’t contained in the externals. There is, in fact, often LITTLE CORRELATION between the circumstances of people’s lives and how happy they are. One can have everything and be unhappy. One can have nothing and be joyful.
Have you ever heard the story of the wealthy employer who once overheard one of his workers remark, “Oh, if I only had 100 dollars, I would be perfectly happy”? Knowing that his own money had not given him inner joy, he told the worker, “Since I would like to see someone who is perfectly happy, I’m going to grant your desire.” He gave the money and left, but before he was out of earshot, he heard the worker remark, “Oh, why didn’t I ask for $1,000?!”
It’s not in the externals, it’s in what our internals make of the externals!
And this is where we begin: Happiness is an inside job. It comes down, first, to what is going on INSIDE us. It’s about beginning by focusing on that. What does this mean in a practical sense?
Well, first of all it means tending more to internal issues: our understanding of ourselves, our relationships with others, our relationship with God – all the themes contained in the other commandments. But even more, it means realizing, right off the top, that no one and no thing outside of me can give me perfect happiness. Happiness is something I must CHOOSE FOR MYSELF - inside!
Basically, we begin with the question: Are we waiting for happiness to somehow come to us – something outside will give it to us; or are we simply choosing it right where we are within ourselves? The former being a dead end, the latter being a start in the right direction. Consider the following:
There once was a man named Tauler of Strasbourg – a 14th century saint and mystic. One day he learned a lesson from an anonymous poor homeless man:
“God give you a good day, my friend,” Tauler said as he met the poor man. “I thank God I have never had a bad day,” the man quickly answered. Tauler was silent for a moment, then said, “God give you a happy life, my friend.” “I thank God I am never unhappy,” the man answered.
Now Tauler was confused. “Never unhappy,” he said. “What do you mean?” “Well,” the poor man replied, “When there is sunshine, I thank God, for he works in the sunshine. When it rains, I thank God for the rain, for God works in the rain. When I have plenty, I thank God, for God works in my abundance. When I am hungry, I thank God, for God works in my poverty. I long ago resolved to make God’s will my will, so that whatever pleases him pleases me. So why should I say that I am unhappy when I am not?”
Tauler was now in awe of his new friend. “Who are you?” he asked. “I am a king,” said the man. “A king!” said Tauler, half ready to believe it. “Where is your kingdom?” The man in rags spoke calmly, strongly and confidently: “In my heart,” he whispered. “My kingdom is in my heart.”
Rule #1: Remember that happiness is an inside job.
(II)
Rule #2: DON’T JUDGE YOUR LIFE BY COMPARISON TO OTHERS.
This is the next problem inherent in all covetousness: We judge our lives not by their own merit; but only by their COMPARISON to the lives of others. This is what happens:
We’re going along fine, happy, and then we happen to see someone who appears to have something MORE or BETTER than we do. Suddenly, what we have seems inferior and so we want what they have – we covet it. The same things which, one moment ago we were perfectly happy with, now we are entirely unhappy with, merely due to comparison. Guaranteed way to be constantly unhappy. We all do this in so many ways...
For instance, have you ever had something that you really enjoyed doing - sports, arts, music - until you discovered someone who could do it better, and then suddenly all the enjoyment went out of it for you? You quit doing it altogether, or perhaps, merely pushed it aside? Say, you like to sing; but you’ve heard your voice compared to others and it’s nowhere near as good. And so, when you come to church, you keep quiet during the hymns – even though you want to sing?
I remember when I auditioned for college at the Manhattan School of Music. As I was waiting to audition, I heard off in the distance somebody playing the Tchaikovsky Violin Concerto. Since I had a few minutes to kill, I decided to go and see who it was that was playing so beautifully. I’m walking down the halls, the sound growing louder and louder... Finally I turn a corner and what do I discover? This TINY LITTLE GIRL, couldn’t have been more than 8 or 9 years old, playing on a half-scale violin, little fingers and hand chugging along – phenomenal! There I was, this old bald guy, struggling to play my own instrument, just starting into music in my late 20’s... I felt so useless – and hopeless! I almost wanted to quit right then!
But you see, fortunately, I came to my senses. I remembered that I wasn’t playing the clarinet to be the BEST - to BEAT somebody else; I was playing simply because I LOVE TO PLAY! And that’s another great secret of happiness: It’s not setting up some hierarchy of blessings in which a blessing, in order to be a blessing, must reach some pre-determined level, or at the very least, exceed the blessings of others; rather, it’s acknowledging, and celebrating any and all blessings no matter how great or small!
Author Dennis Prager, in his book Happiness is a Serious Problem, writes: “I once met a young man who struck me as particularly successful and happy. He spoke of his love for his beautiful wife and their daughters, and of his great joy at being a radio talk-show host in a city he loved. I remember thinking how jealous I was, that he was one of those lucky few from whom everything goes effortlessly right.
“Then he started talking about the Internet. He praised its existence, he told me, because he could look up information on MULTIPLE SCLEROSIS – the terrible disease afflicting his young wife. I felt like such a fool!”
The far too-common mistake of assuming that to be happy one must have it better than another; rather than that one need only be able to see whatever blessings one has. We all do this in so many ways: Talents we fail to explore, gifts we refuse to share, blessings we are unable to celebrate, joys we resist enjoying; all because we are aware of someone else who has, or does, these things better.
Do you want to be endlessly miserable? It’s very easy. Judge nothing about your life the way God does – on its own merit, whether it’s good or bad; instead, judge everything only by comparison. Refuse to see the blessings you possess. How often are we missing out on God’s gift of happiness because we are choosing instead to reach after comparison, reaching for something we don’t have rather than what we do? True story:
In ancient Persia there was a man named Ali Hafed who owned a very large farm that had orchards, grain fields, and gardens – rich land. One day, however, a traveler from the East told him all about diamonds and how wealthy he could be if he owned a diamond mine. Ali Hafed went to bed that night a poor man – poor because he was suddenly discontented. He could only think of how rich those people were who had diamond mines. Craving a mine of his own, he sold his farm to search for the rare stones. He traveled the world over, unsuccessfully, eventually becoming so poor, broken and defeated that he committed suicide.
Ironically, one day the man who had purchased Ali Hafed’s farm led his camel into the garden to drink. As his camel put its nose into the brook, then man saw a flash of light from the sands in the stream. He pulled out a stone that reflected the hues of the rainbow. The man had discovered what would be the diamond mine of Golcada, the most magnificent mine in all history.
Ali Hafed could have had it all; but he made the tragic mistake so many do: of seeking first for what he didn’t have rather than for what he did.
Rule #2 of happiness: Don’t judge your life by comparison to others. Not only don’t you know their true situation (You might not be so jealous if you really knew!); but simply, this keeps you from recognizing your own blessings. Which leads us into...
(III)
Rule #3: DON’T INSIST THAT LIFE BE FAIR.
This, of course, is another thought that underlies covetousness: The sense that, as we look at somebody who has more or better than we, that somehow it isn’t FAIR: “Why should they be better off than I am? I deserve as good as they have! It’s my right!” Coveting – in this sense that we DESERVE certain things, that life OWES us something; one of the most destructive forces in human life: this constant need for “FAIRNESS” – from our perspective!
Notice what the implied premise of the Tenth Commandment is: That LIFE AIN’T FAIR! That the distribution of blessings is not equal. That we’re all going to look around this world and frequently see people far better off than we are. Quite often, this being entirely unfair: the wicked prospering, the righteous suffering.
Jesus once said: “The Lord makes the sun to shine and the rain to fall on the just and the unjust alike.” In other words: “Life ain’t fair... get over it! You’re missing the point!”
You see, this is a third way that so many people’s lives bog down and end in ruin: We get obsessed with what we think we “deserve”, what we believe we are somehow “owed” by life – the something more someone else has that we don’t (This while remaining oblivious to the fact that to many other people, even lower on the totem pole, our lives seem unfair! Fairness always applying only to becoming equal with those who have more not those who have less!) that we never adequately get on with and handle the lives we actually have!
Basically: We’re all so often so busy trying to get life to deal us better cards that we never play the cards we hold! But the truly wise, truly happy person, knows better. They don’t constantly look for a better hand; they simply make the most of, play to the utmost, the hand they have been dealt.
It’s like in a game of POKER (I know I shouldn’t be talking about poker in a Methodist Church; but anyway...) In poker you can win with a lousy hand and be bluffed out of a great hand. The secret to the game is not simply the cards but the strategy. Which is it for us?
How often are we missing God’s gift of happiness because we’re so bogged down in reaching after, demanding, better “cards” – the “better hand” someone else seems to have; rather than simply playing the hand we have been dealt as well as we can? One author writes:
“Two years ago, Chris Downey had just started a promising architectural job at a successful design firm. A few weeks after he took the job, he noticed that there was something wrong with his vision. The doctors told him he had a tumor wrapped around his optic nerve, which required immediate surgery. After the surgery he could see with blurred sight; five days later everything went dark. Downey had become permanently blind.
“Downey tried to maintain his architectural work, but he couldn't read the plans or use the design software. Initially, Downey’s limitations jeopardized his job, until he found a blind computer scientist who had devised a way to read tactile architectural plans. Much to his surprise Downey discovered that his blindness actually gave him a unique way to ‘observe’ interior spaces — not with his eyes, but with his fingers. As one of the company vice presidents would later say, ‘At first I thought, Okay, this is going to be a limitation. But then I realized that the way he reads drawings is... the way we experience space.’
“Downey is now able to use his fingers to ‘walk’ through a space and ‘view’ it from a different and invariably better, perspective. Due to his blindness, he can envision dramatic new possibilities for the creative use of space. As a result, his limitations, or weaknesses, have become gifts and strengths — not only for himself, but also for his community. He struggles greatly every day; but in the midst of his struggle has discovered a greater sense of accomplishment and purpose than he has ever known before.”
Someone once said: “The truly happy person in the journey of life is the one who has learned to enjoy the scenery along the detours.” In the journey of life, are we “enjoying the scenery along the detours”? Rule #3: DON’T INSIST THAT LIFE BE FAIR – make the most of the hand that’s dealt you. And finally...

(IV)
Rule #4: CELEBRATE THE BLESSINGS OF OTHERS.
In his book, Seismic Shifts, author Kevin Harney tells the following story:
“A little boy sat on the floor of the church nursery with a red rubber ball in each arm and three Nerf balls clenched on the floor between his pudgy little knees. He was trying to protect all five from the other children in the nursery. The problem was, he could not hold all five at once, and the ball nearest to his feet was particularly vulnerable to being stolen. So, whenever another child showed an interest in playing with one of the balls, he snarled to make it clear these toys were not for sharing.
“I suppose I should have stepped in and made the little guy give up one or two of the balls, but I was too wrapped up in the drama of it all. For about five minutes, this little guy growled, postured, and kept the other children away from the balls. Like a hyena hunched over the last scraps of a carcass, this snarling little canine was not in the mood for sharing. The other kids circled like vultures around the kill, looking for a way to jump in and snatch a ball without being attacked and bitten. I honestly did not know whether to laugh or cry as I watched.
“Then it struck me: This little boy was not having any fun at all. There was no cheer within ten yards of this kid. Not only was he unhappy, but all the other kids seemed sad as well. His selfishness created a black hole that sucked all of the joy out of that nursery. When church was over and his parents came to pick him up, he left the balls behind. I guess the old saying is true, you can’t take it with you.”
He wanted no one else to have anything, he wanted it all, and it sucked all the joy out of the room – including his own. Had he simply let go – wanted all to have a good time, he could have been happy himself!
This is, essentially, the final rule of happiness. When we covet, think about what basically happens: We look at the good things another has and we find no joy in their having these things – in fact, it annoys us. And don’t we all have those times where the talents, or the skills, or the popularity, or the material possessions of another really gets on our nerves?!
Curious thing about this, however: We’re UNHAPPY about their having good things. Wanting what they have, wanting them not to have it, doesn’t make us happy – quite the opposite. Perhaps, then, could it be, that if we want to be happy; we need only TURN THIS AROUND? That is: Actively WANT OTHERS TO HAVE GOOD THINGS – to have better than ourselves?! One final time, as with all the “negatively stated” commandments: the trick being to turn them around into something positive.
Jesus once said that all the law can be summed up in two statements: “You shall love God with all. And you shall love your neighbor as yourself.” Commandment #1: Loving God with all- “You shall have no other gods before me.” And Commandment #10: Loving neighbor as self. “You shall not covet anything that belongs to your neighbor.” Wanting them to have as great things as we want for ourselves. Not begrudging this to them. In fact, actively pursuing it! This is what this commandment is ultimately all about: The problem is not simply wanting, it’s wanting to TAKE FROM our neighbor rather than GIVE TO them. It’s not loving them as much as we love ourselves. In a practical sense, it’s not wanting them to have as good as we have ourselves. Major mistake!
Remember how Jesus was always saying stuff like: “Love your enemies and pray for them. If someone wants to sue and take your coat, give them your cloak as well. If someone strikes you on the right check, turn to then the other also.” The point always being: GIVE BETTER THAN YOU GET and in this you will be truly blessed!
Do you want to be really happy? Try cultivating the all too uncommon skill of truly CELEBRATING the BLESSINGS OF OTHERS – really giving thanks to God for the good things in the lives of other people. Try to do this, just the exercise alone will quickly reveal how closed off we so easily are to our neighbor, and in this, how closed off we are to God!
Even better, though, not only celebrate the blessings of others, try GIVING to everyone you meet BETTER than you have yourself. Without this, the law cannot be fulfilled, and if the law is not fulfilled, neither can its purpose in our lives.
It has been said, “The man who keeps busy helping the man below him doesn’t have time to envy the man above him.” How often are we unhappy, finally, because we’re simply trying to GET HAPPINESS rather than GIVE IT? Reaching for the wrong thing? You want to be truly happy? Try to bless someone today instead of being blessed! Don’t worry about being blessed; just bless somebody. Christian author Mike Herman writes:
“I’ve been going to professional baseball games and trying to get a souvenir baseball as far back as I can remember. A foul ball, a home run ball, or even a batting practice ball - anything would do.
“I was taking in batting practice for the St. Louis Cardinals, and as I watched Mark McGwire and his teammates, I got to know a five-year-old boy who was also trying to get a ball. His name was James. He tried hard to pronounce the players’ names as he politely asked for a ball: ‘Mr. Timwin (that’s Timlin), can I have a ball, please?’
“Before I knew it, my mission became getting a ball for James. For about 20 minutes, I told him the names of the players who had a ball near the fence we stood behind, and the players turned and smiled as James tried to say their names. Still, no ball. Finally I told James he could have my ball if I caught one (I had been unsuccessful in catching a ball for almost 28 years, so that felt like a safe promise).
“Well, I wouldn’t be telling this story if you didn’t know what happened not five minutes later. Up popped a foul ball, I caught it, and yes, I gave it to James. It’s funny, after all those years of seeking for myself; this one moment made me indescribably happy.
“I couldn’t help but wonder how often God waits to give us something until we are willing to give it away?

The Tenth and final Commandment, that looks back over the other nine, back to the First, asking: What do you most desire, most want? What are you reaching for? It’s been called “The Happiness Commandment” – how you find it, how you lose it.
Remember that happiness is an inside job, don’t judge your life by comparison to others, don’t insist that life be fair, and celebrate the blessings of others.

“You shall not covet.”