“You Shall Not Bear False Witness Against Your Neighbor”
Exodus 20:16
Rev. Clark Lynn Callender, 11/7/10
In a little known, rarely quoted passage in the New Testament, Jesus makes the following statement – he says:
That is a scary statement if you really think about it... That, in the end, it all comes down to our WORDS.
How are we doing with that?
Well, this is something of what I’d like to talk about this morning. Today, I’d like to say a few words... about words!
Over the last few weeks, in our on-going study of the Ten Commandments, we have seen God dealing with some of the most basic, central, down-to-earth issues of human life: God has talked to us about home and family, life and death, marriage, property... and now WORDS – our COMMUNICATION with one another. Such a crucial issue.
As we have noted in the past (in dealing with many different topics), words are extremely important, they’re powerful. On the very first page of the Bible we are shown God creating through the SPOKEN WORD: “God said, ‘Let there be...’ and there was.” Words are what create our reality (good or bad) and what connect us to one another. Just from our own experience we know of the ability of words to alter the very course of our lives – to lift us up or to take us down, a word of encouragement, a word of ridicule...
Words have power – they often make or break whole families, marriages, friendships, churches... nations! Words are powerful; but they are also very tricky. Recently I heard someone tell of having gone out to dinner and at the door of the restaurant there was a sign that read, “Shoes are required to eat here.” Underneath of which, someone had scribbled: “But socks can eat anywhere they like!”
That kind of creeps up on you.
It’s like the little boy who thought the word “lackadaisical” meant “a shortage of flowers.” Words are so vitally important to our lives, so powerful; yet so difficult to use well and properly – we’re so easily tripped up by them.
In this, notice that our commandment this morning is not the only one of the ten pertaining to this matter. Remember #3? “You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain.” Again: The power of words. What other subject gets two out of ten? So much of our trouble is centered in improper words, wrongful communication.
Commandment 3 deals with our words WITH GOD. Commandment 9 deals with our words WITH ONE ANOTHER: “You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.”
Scholars tell us that the original focus of this commandment was on the giving of false testimony in legal proceedings. In the Law of Moses, the penalties for such deception are severe because it was understood (particularly in a time before closed-circuit cameras and DNA evidence and so forth – a time in which justice relied solely upon personal testimony) that the stability and connection of the entire society depended upon the WORDS OF THE PEOPLE.
From this, we then see the extension of this commandment into the more general issue of lying take place very early (evidenced in many Old Testament texts) – the application of the commandment taken to include any deceptive, slanderous, idle, or empty talk about another person that would undermine their reputation or otherwise cast them in a bad light. This would entail not only deliberate efforts to deceive; but also the more casual gossip and rumor that often damage the regard or esteem in which someone is held. Again, the theme being: Lives destroyed through words.
Basically, another way of putting this commandment is: Don’t use your words in a false, hurtful way that destroys life. The reverse? The true intention of which is: Use your words, your speech, constructively – communicate in a way that creates life.
So how exactly do we do this? A couple of thoughts...
(I)
First: SPEAK TRUTH.
Obviously, the first point that God makes here is that our words need to be TRUE - without this, everything falls apart – we have nothing. Unfortunately, we all tend to spend much of our lives living lies – our culture almost teaching us that this is a necessary part of survival: continually “bending” the truth, adapting it, adjusting it to suit whatever makes things go better for us. As Mark Twain once said: “Most people must regard the truth as their most valuable possession. Why else would they be so economical in its use?”
Someone once listed the following “Top Ten Lies” we all use every day. See is any of these sound familiar: 10. I never got your message. 9. I’m going to start getting in better shape. 8. I only need five minutes of your time. 7. That looks good on you. 6. I hate to say this, but... 5. It’s not the money, it’s the principle of the thing. 4. I never said that. 3. I was just kidding. 2. I won’t tell anyone else. And 1. The diet starts tomorrow.
We live on lies. But remember, Jesus tells us that the DEVIL is “the father of all lies.” That is, lying is the heart of evil’s work because it keeps us from life! As a noted pastoral counselor writes: “The fabric of all healthy relationships is woven with truth. Lying tears this fabric apart and so destroys all trust and confidence in one another. Since ‘God is truth’ we cannot violate truth and still enjoy a relationship with Him also... Truth is the road map for negotiating the difficult challenges of life. Without it we get lost and we develop emotional problems that tell us we’re lost. We often settle for half-truths or no truth at all because they are usually easier. But truth is the only road to emotional health. There is no other path.”
The first basic point here is SPEAK ONLY TRUTH. And if you can’t, don’t say anything at all. Without this foundation everything else falls apart - we have nothing to build upon!
Now, some will argue: “But what about ‘little white lies’? They don’t hurt anybody!” Oh, really. Consider the following true story:
There once was a young pastor who was serving his first church and on his first day there the congregation decided to hold a covered-dish luncheon to welcome him. (Good Methodists!) Well, as the young pastor sat down to eat, one of the women of the church came over to talk to him, and as they were talking she happened to notice that he had some potato salad on his plate. She leaned over to him and whispered, “I see you have some of Mildred’s potato salad. Let me tell you, Mildred is the worst cook on the face of the earth. Her potato salad is the driest, most disgusting thing you’ll ever taste. Today’s batch has to be the worst of all time!”
At that very moment, Mildred herself happened to walk by and without missing a beat, the woman talking to the pastor turned and greeted Mildred warmly, concluding her greeting by saying, “Oh, by the way, Mildred, I just loved your potato salad this morning. Couldn’t get enough of it!”
With that, Mildred continued on her way and the woman turned back to continue her talk with the pastor. Needless to say, the young preacher was somewhat dismayed by the performance he had just witnessed. But before he could completely gather his wits about him, the woman completed her greeting of the new pastor by saying, “Oh, by the way, pastor, I just loved your sermon this morning. Couldn’t get enough of it!”
Talk about not knowing where you stand!
Even the smallest untruth destroys the whole thing – because it takes away any possible truth – any possible good. Rule #1: SPEAK TRUTH.
(II)
Rule #2: SPEAK LOVE.
Of course, it’s not enough just to speak truth. Notice how the commandment tells us that we are not only not to bear “false witness” (untruth) but also that our words should not be “AGAINST” one another, that is: ADVERSARIAL, HURTFUL. The text connects two themes regarding our speech: HONESTY and CARE FOR THE OTHER PERSON. Not always an easy balancing act! The apostle Paul puts it this way – he gives this instruction:
“Speaking the truth in love.” This is what the commandment is really getting at: these two held in tension – truth and love. So how do we know when we’re speaking lovingly? Well, I think the trick is to ask THREE QUESTIONS before we say anything:
First: DOES THIS NEED TO BE SAID? What we’re about to say may be absolutely true; but does it need to be said – does it serve any constructive purpose? A lot of the things we say, no matter how true, simply don’t need to be said – and shouldn’t.
I’m reminded of the story of the editor of a small-town newspaper who grew tired of being called a liar, and announced that he would tell only the truth in the future. The very next issue contained the following item: “Married - Miss Sylvan Rhodes and James Collins, last Saturday at the Baptist parsonage, by the Rev. J. Gordon. The bride is a very ordinary town girl, who doesn’t know any more about cooking than a jackrabbit, and has never helped her mother three days in her life. She is not a beauty by any means and has a gait like a duck. The groom is an up-to-date loafer. He has been living off the folks at home all his life and is now worth nothing. It will be a hard life for the couple.”
It was all truthful; but it didn’t need to be said.
Mark Twain once observed: “Some of the very best things I ever said are those I kept to myself. A closed mouth gathers no feet.” DOES THIS NEED TO BE SAID? Which leads us into the second question of loving speech: WHY AM I SAYING THIS? That is: what is my motivation in saying what I am about to say? What am I hoping to accomplish? To help or to hurt? If it’s to help; okay. But if we’re really seeking just to make ourselves feel better at someone else’s expense – then no go!
You know, the story is told that a friend once came to the great philosopher Aristotle with some juicy gossip about another person. But before Aristotle would allow his friend to speak, he told him that whatever he was about to say must pass three filters: First, is it TRUTHFUL? Speak truth. Second, is it USEFUL? Does it need to be said? And finally, is it KIND? Only that which passes all these “filters” may be spoken.
Does this need to be said? Why am I saying this – to help or to hurt? And then, lastly: HOW AM I BEING UNDERSTOOD? What we are saying may be true, we may be looking to help; but the way we’re saying it, the words we’re choosing – what is that communicating – our message or something else! As Oscar Wilde once said: “The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”
As noted, words can be tricky – our choice of words themselves dramatically changes the meaning! It’s like...
I once read that when President Harry Truman was once speaking at a Grange Convention in Kansas City, Mrs. Truman and a friend were in the audience. And Truman, in his speech, said, “I grew up on a farm and one thing I know: Farming means manure, manure, manure, and more manure.”
At this, Mrs. Truman’s friend whispered in her ear, “Bess, he sounds so crude. Why on earth don’t you get Harry to say ‘fertilizer’ instead of ‘manure’?”
“Good gracious, Helen,” replied Mrs. Truman, “You have no idea how many years it has taken me to get him to say MANURE!”
Every word has a very different context and nuance. They are not interchangeable. In each situation there is a right word and a wrong word. It’s not enough to know what to say; one must know how to say it – and what we’re actually saying! We must choose our words very carefully, not just fire of our mouths as we so often do. Think of what the other person will, and is, hearing. Choose words for them not ourselves. Loving speech adjusts itself to the hearer. Do we do this? One author writes:
“As a deaf child, former NFL star Kenny Walker felt like an outsider. As Kenny matured, however, he compensated for his deafness with great physical prowess. His larger-than-normal frame, extensive knowledge of football, and intense focus attracted the attention of his high school football coaches and, later on, many powerhouse college coaches.
“When Kenny’s high school coach asked him where he wanted to play college football, he signed ‘N’ for Nebraska, a team he had always dreamed of playing for. Nebraska’s coaches immediately signed him and made arrangements to have an interpreter present at every practice and game.
“Kenny was so successful at Nebraska that he made All-American and was named Big Eight Conference ‘Defensive Player of the Year.’ But the crowning moment of his college football career came during his final home game.
“Traditionally, senior players were introduced alphabetically and ran onto the field, welcomed by a cheering crowd. But because Kenny was deaf, the university and local community plotted a unique way to praise Kenny. In a special article, the Omaha World Herald showed the fans how they could sign an ovation: they could stand, hold their hands above their heads, fingers spread, and then wave both hands from side to side.
“When Kenny stood in the stadium tunnel, he felt the vibration of the cheering crowd as each senior ran out on the field. But when he ran out on the field, he felt no vibrations. Puzzled, he stopped and looked around the stadium to see over 75,000 fans standing for him, waving their hands in a way that only a deaf person would recognize as an applause.”
They adjusted their communication that he might “hear” love. Rule #2: SPEAK LOVE. Which leads us into...
(III)
Rule #3: BEWARE THE SILENCES.
While we have been talking about the words that we speak, I believe it’s also important to take a moment to remember that we also often communicate through our silences. That is, some of the times where we choose NOT TO SPEAK can actually speak volumes – and we can “bear false witness against our neighbor”: speak untruth, speak hurtfulness. For example:
Whenever we hear someone make a racist or bigoted remark and we, who know better, fail to speak up, fail to challenge the remark - in effect, we tacitly say we agree.
Whenever someone gossips to us about another, says hurtful things about them, and we listen rather than tell them to stop – we participate in hurtful, destructive speech. As it has been said: “Gossip is the Protestant Confessional – where we go to confess not our own sins, but the sins of others.”
I once heard someone describe the person who listens to gossip as being like the person “fences” stolen goods. He or she doesn’t actually do the crime but without them there would be no place to market the goods. The “fence” is equally guilty as the thief because the “fence” makes the evil profitable and desirable.
Bigotry, gossip... How about simply whenever we fail to speak the GOOD we know and feel about someone, whenever we keep that to ourselves – is not that “bearing false witness against” them? Have you ever noticed how it is far easier to complain and criticize than it is to praise and compliment? How are we simply not speaking the good that we know?
Someone once said: “If you love someone, don’t just feel it; tell them. If someone does a good job, don’t just admire it, tell them. If someone is important to you, don’t just know it; tell them. Always remember how much it has meant to you to actually hear such words.”
Rule #3: BEWARE THE SILENCES. All of which brings us to, finally...
(IV)
Rule #4: REMEMBER THAT YOUR WORDS MATTER.
Author Dick Innes writes:
“I recently read about a middle-aged man who has been struggling with chronic depression for many years. His counselor told him that he would need to be on antidepressant drugs for the rest of his life. He told the counselor that his father, a self-made head of a large corporation, repeatedly said to him, ‘Son, when you inherit the family business, I expect you’ll ruin it.’
“These words stung more painfully each time he heard them. When his father died, the man felt driven to work unreasonably long hours to prove his dad’s prediction wrong. The pressure to avoid failure that relentlessly gnawed at him was quieted only by alcohol. Soon a serious drinking problem developed. His wife threatened to leave him. Finally he succumbed to ongoing depression for which he could find relief only in drugs. His life was devastated by the power of his father's tongue.
“With words we can bless or curse others; encourage or discourage; hearten or dishearten them. They can be powerful motivators or de-motivators. Let’s always use them as an instrument of healing and encouragement - and never use them to hurt, demoralize or destroy another.”
The final point here, returning to where we began: To remember that our words are powerful, they matter. Simply put: Somebody desperately needs a good word from us today – their life depends upon it. Not destructive words, but constructive – truth spoken in love. Will we offer it? In a word of encouragement, praise, affirmation, support, compassion, hope? What words will we speak? What life will we speak into being? Author Paul Barton writes:
“When I was growing up I do not recall hearing the words ‘I love you’ from my father. When your father never says them to you when you are a child, it gets tougher and tougher for him to say those words as he gets older. To tell the truth, I could not honestly remember when I had last said those words to him either. I decided to set my ego aside and make the first move. After some hesitation, in our next phone conversation I blurted out the words, ‘Dad... I love you!’
“There was a silence at the other end and he awkwardly replied, ‘Well, same back at ya!’
“I chuckled and said, ‘Dad, I know you love me, and when you are ready, I know you will say what you want to say.’
“Fifteen minutes later my mother called and nervously asked, ‘Paul, is everything okay?’
“A few weeks later, Dad concluded our phone conversation with the words, ‘Paul, I love you.’ I was at work during this conversation and the tears were rolling down my cheeks as I finally ‘heard’ the love. As we both sat there in tears we realized that this special moment had taken our father/son relationship to a new level.
“A short while after this special moment, my father narrowly escaped death following heart surgery. Many times since, I have pondered the thought, If I did not take the first step and Dad did not survive the surgery, I would have never ‘heard’ the love.”
Someone once said: “Words are like wild horses – capable of tremendous beauty and power; but incredibly hard to corral.”
The 9th Commandment – reminding us of the tremendous power - and danger - of our words; calling us to be a people of CONSTRUCTIVE SPEECH, a people whose words create rather destroy life. This week, speak truth speak love, beware the silences, and remember that your words matter.
“You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.”
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