The Ultimate Step-Dad – Christmas Through the Eyes of Joseph

The Ultimate Step-Dad – Christmas Through the Eyes of Joseph, 1:
“Sleep-Walking”
Matthew 1:18-20
Rev. Clark Lynn Callender, 11/28/10

“My most vivid childhood memory of Christmas,” writes columnist Dave Barry, “that does not involve opening presents, putting batteries in presents, playing with presents, and destroying presents before sundown, is the annual Nativity Pageant at St. Stephen’s Episcopal Church in Armonk, New York. Mrs. Elson was the director, and she would tell the children what role they would play, based on their ‘artistic’ abilities. For example, if you were short you would get a role as an angel, which involved being part of the Heavenly Host and gazing with adoration at the Christ Child.
“Shepherd was my favorite role, because you got to carry a stick, plus you spent most of the pageant waiting back in the closet with a rope that led up to the church bell and about 750,000 bats. Many were the happy rehearsal hours we shepherds spent back there in the dark, whacking each other with sticks and climbing up the ladder so as to cause bat emission products to rain down upon us.
“After a couple of years as shepherd, you usually did a stint as a Three King. This was not nearly as good a role because you had to lug around the gold, the frankincense and of course, the myrrh, which God forbid you should drop because they were played by valuable antique containers belonging to Mrs. Elson. Nevertheless, being a Three King was better than being Joseph, since Joseph had to hang around with Mary who was played by a girl. You had to wait backstage with this girl and walk in with this girl. Needless to say, you felt like a total wonk, which was not helped by the fact that the shepherds and three kings were constantly suggesting that you really liked this girl. So during the pageant Joseph tended to maintain the maximum allowable distance from Mary, as though she were carrying some kind of fatal bacteria.”
Dave Barry is probably right. Mary – carrying some kind of “fatal bacteria”; and Joseph – his life infected with this “disease” - the worst character in the story to play.
What do we learn from this most unsung, yet crucial, player in the story of our Savior’s birth?
This is what we are going to look at over the next couple of weeks. Last year, as you may recall, during the season of Advent we looked at Christmas through the eyes of Mary. Well, this year we’re going to consider things through the eyes of JOSEPH...

Right off the top, we don’t know a lot about Joseph other than he was a carpenter from the small town of Nazareth. One author pictures him this way: “At first view there was nothing striking about this man. His simple, well-worn clothes revealed him to be a man of meager means. He was a person of few words, much more apt to show his feelings by arriving at your door with his tool chest to fix that stool, table, or door latch. This man was a doer, not a talker; he was an unassuming person, who stood patiently in lines, waiting his turn.”
All the Bible tells us about Joseph is that he was a good man, a solid citizen that any community large or small would be proud to call its own. And although some might not think of Joseph as a man of great faith, he really was.
Matthew picks up his story already in progress...
The custom of the day was for families to arrange the marriages of their children. Often this involved negotiations with the parents, while the children had no say whatsoever in whom they would marry. Joseph’s family and Mary’s family had arranged for the two of them to be married. Being a small town, they no doubt had known each other or seen each other. With the blessing of their families the marriage had been arranged. They formally were engaged or betrothed to each other. There was a legal bond between them even though they did not live together. If for some reason either one wanted to break off the engagement a legal divorce was required. Traditionally the couple would be engaged for one year, and then they would be married. The whole town would celebrate the marriage of two of its own. The wedding celebration and feast could last anywhere from a few days to a week.
Mary and Joseph were undoubtedly excited about getting married – as marriage was the center of life in those times, the whole goal of life. Joseph probably longed for the day when he could take Mary home as his wife. As one scholar reflects: “We can imagine Joseph inventing carpentry errands that took him by Mary’s house. We can picture Mary making a wide detour with her water jar on the way to the well and walking ever so slowly past Joseph’s shop.” Joseph must have been the happiest man in all of Nazareth. Mary, a great “catch,” would soon become his wife.
Then one day everything changed. Mary wanted to speak with Joseph. She told him about an angel visiting her who told her that she would have a child who will “be great, and will be called the Son of the Most High.” Matthew tells us that Joseph was a “righteous man” but he was having a hard time believing Mary’s story. The news that Mary was with child hit Joseph like a ton of bricks. Again, one author imagines it this way:
“Quiet Joseph grew dark with hurt and anger, turned from her, clenched his fists, and skinned his knuckles as he pounded his bench. Mary dissolved into tears, running from his shop. As she left, she blurted out that she had hoped that at least he would understand. And she was gone."
Joseph was left alone to agonize over how he should handle this problem. As he saw it he had two choices: he could set the date of the wedding sooner and hope his family and neighbors had lost track of the months, or he could divorce her. Mary was in danger. If anyone found out that she was pregnant she would be stoned to death. Joseph didn’t want to see any harm done to her, but he didn’t think it was right to marry her either.
Matthew distills all the inner struggle down to just a verse, but the inference is clear: Joseph struggled greatly with what to do. Probably, all day long in his carpentry shop he wrestled with his dilemma, planing boards down to nothing. He probably spent many sleepless nights tossing and turning, pondering Mary’s strange news, thinking how to best solve his problem.
Finally, he made a decision. He would quietly divorce her so no harm would come to her. We don’t know whether or not Joseph had told Mary of his decision. It seems he felt this was the sensible thing to do because he had such a hard time believing Mary’s story.
Everything had gone horribly wrong for Joseph – the plans he had for his life, his perfect hopes, all had suddenly dissolved around him. Presented with a most painful, difficult, seemingly impossible situation; he’s trying to make the best of it. This is where the story of Jesus Christ begins for Joseph, and let’s face it:
This is where the story begins for a lot of people! In pain, in struggle, in life going wrong, hopes dissolving, impossible situation... This most particularly felt in holiday times when the expectations and the longings most clearly butt heads with reality.
Well, into this mess of everything gone wrong, Joseph falls asleep, and in his sleep God visits him in a dream. A dream that changes everything.
What did Joseph discover in this dream – and what do we learn from him for navigating our own way through those times when life gets “difficult” and everything seems to be falling apart around us? A couple of thoughts...
(I)
First, Joseph discovered that GOD IS NEAR.
Obviously, this is the first basic fact that Joseph learns in his dream: That God is not distant and removed and uncaring – unconcerned about his problem; but rather, quite the opposite: That God is very much aware of his predicament and is reaching out to help him - particularly to speak to him – to calm and guide him. And I think it’s interesting that God speaks to him in a DREAM...
Why, in a dream do you suppose?
Well, maybe it’s because it was the only time that Joseph would listen. That is: In the Bible God speaks to people in many different ways; but a dream is unique way. In our sleep, we are vulnerable, our defenses are down. Now, obviously, every dream is not a word from God; but in choosing to speak to Joseph this way, maybe it’s saying that this was the only way God could get through to him. Perhaps God was speaking to him all day long; but Joseph simply couldn’t hear because his life was so NOISY: So filled with his own thoughts, his own plans, his own worries, his own decisions, his constant activity.
In his troubles Joseph first discovers that GOD IS NEAR – aware and caring and active – seeking to speak to him, to talk him through this. But he has to be quiet to hear it. He has to learn to expect it, to listen for it, and to believe it.
This, of course being the first lesson for us all here: That in our times of trouble GOD IS NEAR – caring and active. Most especially, first, seeking to SPEAK to us – to calm and guide us. But we have to be quiet to hear this – expect it, listen for it, believe it. How are we “God-resistant”? What “noise” in our lives is keeping us from hearing the voice of God? Never stopping, never praying, never listening?
God sends all sorts of “angels” to speak to us every day: Sometimes it’s in the voice of a loved one, or a co-worker, or a complete stranger. Sometimes it’s in a word of Scripture, or in music, or in nature, or in an image on TV. Often God speaks to us though the voices of children – whose blunt clarity cuts right to the point.
I once read about a Sunday School teacher who was getting ready for church when she snagged her pantyhose. She stopped at a drugstore on the way to church and bought a replacement pair, and then went to the ladies room to change. She then went to her classroom and began teaching the lesson for the day. But one of the little boys noticed the pantyhose package that she had mistakenly placed near her Bible. He began to spell out loud the words on the package: “Q-U-E-E-N S-I-Z-E.” At which point, the boy said, “Wow, Mrs. Marshall, you’re same size as my parent’s mattress!”
Remember, nobody ever said that you will always like what your angel has to tell you! But angels are all around. You just have to open your eyes to recognize them, your ears to hear them, and your heart to receive the message they have come to give you.
Lesson #1 in times of trouble: GOD IS NEAR. Which leads us to the second thing Joseph learns in his dream...
(II)
#2: THE STORY IS NOT DONE.
The angel speaks to Joseph and begins by telling him not to divorce Mary but to instead go ahead and marry her. “What she’s telling you is the truth. Amazing things are about to happen!”
Joseph had finally come to the painful decision that a life with Mary was over – that’s done, it’s finished; but now he discovers that THE STORY IS (in fact) NOT DONE. God has made a way – but getting there requires travelling to a whole new place, a place Joseph never imagined going. He has to give up his plans, his decisions, his way. Is he willing to do this?
Are we?
You know, I once saw a cartoon that had a picture of man holding a cat over its litter box, and the man is saying to the cat, “Now, Mr. Whiskers, remember – never, never, never ever think outside the box!”
Isn’t this the way we all so often are? We decide how things must go and then refuse to ever “think about the box.” Well, Joseph discovers (and teaches us) that in life, even when things seem the most hopeless – the story over; with God, the story is not done, but to get there, we have to be willing to place aside our own plans, our own direction and let God take us somewhere new. Think “outside the box”! Perhaps go to some place we never planned to be; but ultimately, with God, to know that it will be a place of greater than blessing than we have ever imagined.
Think of it this way: This morning we began our Advent journey of “Christmas Around the World” – by focusing on the work of the United Methodist Church in LATVIA. And we had demonstrated the Latvian Christmas tradition of the “dragging of the log.” This comes from an ancient winter solstice ritual in which the belief was that as you dragged the log, evil spirits would hop on, hoping for a fun ride, and you would then burn them up in the fire!
Well, in the modern understanding, the thought is that this act of dragging a log around your house and then burning it is symbolic of placing all the wrongs of the past year upon the log and burning that up to start off the new year in a whole new way. It’s letting go and moving on.
With God, when things go wrong, the story is not done. But we have to be FLEXIBLE in order to receive this. Let go and move on. Are we willing to let God take our lives in a different direction than what we planned? Out beyond where we think everything ends? Preacher Vic Pentz writes:
“This morning would you join me on a journey – a journey on beyond zebra - because that’s where you find Christmas. That’s where Joseph was asked to go. On the first Christmas, God added a new letter to our alphabet in the Virgin Birth. Why? Because we need that letter in order to spell Emmanuel, which means God with us. We need that letter to spell salvation. So if you're looking for Christmas, I invite you to join me on a journey ‘on beyond zebra.’ Hear these words from one of the great minds of theology – Dr Seuss:
“Said Conrad Cornelius O’Donnell O’Dell, my very young friend who was learning to spell, ‘The A is for Ape, the B is for Bear, the C is for Camel, the H is for Hair, the M is for Mouse, the R is for Rat... I know all twenty-six letters like that. Through to Z is for Zebra, I know them all well,’ said Conrad Cornelius O’Donnell O’Dell. ‘Now I know everything anyone knows from beginning to end, from the start to the close, because Z is as far as the alphabet goes.’
“Then he almost fell flat on his face on the floor when I picked up the chalk and drew one letter more. A letter he had never dreamed of before. And I said, ‘You can stop if you want with the Z, and most people stop with the Z, but not me. In the places I go, there are things that I see that I never could spell if I stopped with a Z.
“’I’m telling you this ‘cause you’re one of my friends, my alphabet starts where your alphabet ends. My alphabet starts with this letter called yezz, it’s the letter I use to spell yezzametezz. You’ll be sort of surprised what there is to be found, once you go beyond Z and start poking around. So on beyond zebra explore like Columbus, discover new letters like wum, which is for wumbus, my high-spouting whale who lives high on a hill and who never comes down till it’s time to refill. So on beyond Z, it’s high time you were shown that you really don’t know all there is to be known...’”
In Jesus Christ, God lets it be known that there is a whole world out beyond what we decide is “the last letter.” Life only really starts where we so often say it ends. Are we willing to let go of our plans and go to a new place with the Lord?
Lesson #2 in times of trouble: THE STORY IS NOT DONE. All of which brings us to the last thing Joseph learns here, namely...
(III)
#3: He NEED ONLY BE FAITHFUL.
In the end, the angel tells Joseph not to be afraid to take Mary as his wife, that what she is telling him is the truth – specifically: that this child she is carrying is to become the Savior of the whole earth.
Now, that sounds pretty wild, hard to believe, obviously, but do you want to know what the really amazing thing here is?
The really amazing thing here is that Joseph “buys” it! Joseph agrees. He sets off after the dream in place of his reality! In a sermon in Harvard University’s Memorial Church, preacher Peter Gomes describes it this way:
“The miracle of Christmas (dare I say it?) is not the virgin birth of the creeds. The miracle to which are attention should be drawn at this holy season is the fact that Joseph believes what he hears and acts upon it...
“The miracle here is that a sensible, reasonable, pragmatic, and good man, a man named Joseph, the miracle here is that he acts contrary to the evidence that surrounds him on every hand. He sees the evidence, he understands it, he knows its implications and he acts contrary to it...
“When he could have cut and run he stayed and played. And, it was an active participation in the great drama of the incarnation. Clear in this conscience as to what his duty was, with a little help from the angels, he did it.”
Joseph is an ordinary guy caught up in an extraordinary story, who allows God’s movement in his midst to take center stage. Joseph, an ordinary man, quietly, obediently, rather courageously followed the commands of God and thereby pointed the way for the rest of us. We are ordinary people – most often quite, quite ordinary – we are called by God to participate in a good news story.
Basically: In the end, Joseph chose to take the dream of a different reality that God had placed before him and to simply strive to be obedient to that no matter what the cost. To simply seek to live out his piece in that – in a quiet unassuming way – and there discovered the fulfillment of God’s saving work in his life and in the world. And this is what it means to be a Christian.
You know, in the nativity story, Joseph is the only character who has no spoken lines. He never says a word. Now, I assume he could speak, but in the story he gets no lines. Yet, in a very real way, he speaks for us all, all who chose to live for Christ. People who get no fanfare as we quietly seek to be faithful in our daily lives, to live out the dream of Jesus Christ in a world that often opposes it – there, in our faithfulness, to finally discover the fullness of God’s salvation. Choosing that dream over this reality. Putting aside the cost, not caring what people say, disregarding the effort:
In caring for aging parents; in helping out in mission work; in confronting subtle gossip; in supporting a struggling loved one; in making time each day to pray; in passing up the opportunity to show we have the upper hand; in standing beside some person who is vulnerable in our society; in modeling ethical behavior in the workplace... In all these ways and so many more!
Simply put: The final lesson here is that, in times of trouble, we NEED ONLY BE FAITHFUL. That is, simply seek to live out the “dream” of Jesus Christ – the different reality he offers to the world – and there simply in seeking to be faithful to this in quiet, daily ways, God’s salvation meeting us. One author writes:
“In December 1987, I was expecting our first son in the early spring of 88. However, the Lord decided to share with me, the lesson of pain, grieving, and renewal. On Christmas Eve, my moods changed, my stomach ached, and soon I was bleeding. On Christmas morning, I delivered a silent child half the size of a normal healthy baby, with eyes of unknown color, but ever so few downy soft curls of shiniest blonde. My pain was great as the hospital also had a mother deliver a set of quadruplets that morning, and the talk was on the news, in the paper, and in the hallways.
“I lay in the hospital’s cold bed, scratchy sheets reminding me Christmas would never be the same. For quite some time, I thought the Lord was trying to humble my proud heart. For a while, I cried as each death in the church reminded me of my own pain.
“With each Christmas passing, my husband worked harder to make the holiday right, the way it once was... Seven years later though, suddenly, without warning, he died on a beautiful spring morning. Caring for the children, I reflected on the learning I had received, how to survive grief, and how my son’s death had prepared me for this sudden widowhood, as I realized I really wasn’t crazy, I was grieving.
“That first Christmas with the weight of the loss of my husband magnified, all his attempts now seemed futile because nobody knew how to ‘right’ my heart ache. Then, I wanted to buy him a gift, and therein, my grief swelled. Unable to sleep, I turned on the TV late, and tried to drown my thoughts. A Christmas show, "It Came Upon a Midnight Clear" with Mickey Roonie came on TV. How ironic, I thought, I am watching this at midnight.
“In it the old man dies before Christmas and must talk to the Archangel into letting him return to Earth, to fulfill a Christmas promise to his grandson. What he finds is the Christmas spirit has failed NYC! He, in the end, is on TV, challenging New Yorkers to ‘Go out, greet your neighbors, and do something nice for each other. It’s Christmas!’ Well, that’s when it hit me! It was hokey, but I realized: God was speaking to me, saying that he had gifted me with something special, gifts that only few know. Gifts of compassion, mercy, insight, and tenderness. Then it occurred to me, I had to choose: get bitter or get better....
“I got up, and got into the scripture, and lo, the Lord spoke to me as verse after verse was of ultimate sacrifice, giving, and hope. The hope of Christ. I didn’t go to bed that night. In fact, I made hundreds of Christmas cards, and dozens of batches of pralines (a southern tradition) and stacked them all in row. That afternoon, I wrote down the name of every person living alone listed in my church phone directory, and my own phone book – and sent out the cards and gifts. The kids and I then planned a shopping venture where we chose one man living nearby who had no family to speak of, and we bought for him as if he were ‘our dad.’ When Christmas Eve arrived, we snuck to his porch, and loaded it down with gifts, and candies, and an engraved invitation to attend a Christmas feast, starting with breakfast the next morning. When I arrived home, we called him and told him we had set a few things on the porch for him, and to please take them indoors. He came over the next morning and we had an amazing time!
“We took our grief and utilized it to the service of others – proclaiming life in Jesus Christ. Suddenly, I wasn’t focused on my own pain, but possibly lessening the grief of others. In doing just that, Christ was healing me.
“Each year, when I have grieved, 'cause the grief monster does come, I take the gifts of knowing, compassion, service and abundance and I share. I share love through remembrance that the Lord chose to share his son’s birthday with my son, Grant. That Grant did not have to breathe a breath, in order to teach me a lesson. I learned that Jesus gave me a love of a great husband... and I show that same love to others who might be all alone otherwise. I live the love given in Jesus Christ – and that love has seen me through!”

Mary, the mother of our Lord – carrying some kind of “fatal bacteria”; and Joseph – his life infected with this “disease” - the worst character in the story to play. The story of Christmas, for Joseph, begins with everything falling apart around him – into which God comes with a dream. A dream Joseph chose to make his own.
Might the dream become ours as well.
When life goes all wrong, remember: God is near, the story is not done, and you need only be faithful.