You shall not steal

God’s Top Ten List, VIII:
“You Shall Not Steal”
Exodus 20:15
Rev. Clark Lynn Callender, 10/31/10

According to the stories told by the ancient Jewish teachers, there once was a young man who was becoming increasingly materialistic – obsessed with money and property and possessions. The local rabbi was very concerned about this, so one day he invited the young man over to his home. The rabbi instructed the young man to look out the back window of the house which overlooked a beautiful mountain range.
The rabbi asked the young man, “What do you see?” The young man replied, “I see beautiful mountains and valleys, trees and animals, blue sky and sunshine.”
The rabbi then held a mirror up in front of the young man’s face. “Now what do you see?” he asked. “I see only myself,” the young man replied, wondering what was going on.
“Isn’t it interesting,” the old rabbi observed, “how everything changes when a little bit of silver comes between you and the world.”
Someone once said, “Material possessions are either a WINDOW through which we see God and all the beauty of creation, or a MIRROR in which we see only ourselves.”
Which is it for us? The place of MATERIAL POSSESSIONS in our lives – getting us onto God and life’s richest blessings; or keeping us from this. This is something of what I’d like to talk about this morning...

Today, with the Eighth Commandment, God continues to focus our attention on some of the most common, down-to-earth issues of ordinary life, turning now to consider the issue of PROPERTY – that is, money and material possessions.
Now, as we all well know, this is a very important subject because so much of our lives are devoted to this. Just think about how much of your time and energy is spent worrying about money, trying to get more money, planning on things you are going to buy, worrying about the care of the things you already have... As is well-documented, such issues are the source of more stress, more anxiety, more family problems, more divorces, more international warfare (!) than just about everything else combined!
A crucial topic, yet once again, as we have observed over the past few weeks, God’s instruction on the matter being characteristically terse – in the Hebrew just two words: “NO STEALING.”
Does this say all that needs to be said about the extremely important (and frequently quite messy) issue of property – its proper place in our lives? What does it say? What is God trying to tell us here about this crucial subject that we struggle with constantly? How is God trying to help us get a better understanding and use of our “stuff” - our material possessions?
Well, I’d like to offer a few thoughts – 3 BASIC STARTER RULES REGARDING “STUFF”...
(I)
Rule #1: TAKE INVENTORY.
Right off the top, before we get down to the specific prohibition against stealing, I believe it’s important to first note the underlying, initial MOTIVATION that stands behind all theft, namely: the DESIRE FOR MORE than what one has. This is where all stealing obviously begins; and likewise, this is where we all, first, most often begin our own trouble regarding material things: WE WANT MORE.
Why? More often than not, not necessarily because we need anything more; but simply because we are failing to ACKNOWLEDGE and GIVE THANKS for what we already possess. Our relationship with “stuff” begins with GRATITUDE – RECOGNIZING WHAT WE HAVE.
Now, I know I’ve harped on this repeatedly, in many different settings, in the past; but that’s just because it’s so central to everything: Failing to recognize, taking for granted, the gifts we already possess is the heart of so many of life’s problems: As we noted last week, taking for granted the gift of your spouse is the heart of marital problems. Three weeks ago it was not acknowledging the gift of our parents or children that is the source of family problems. So, likewise, losing sight of what we have already have is the start of “material” problems.
The truly healthy, happy, well-centered, well-directed person is the one with the continually thankful heart. The person who begins and ends each day with prayers of thanksgiving – recognizing what they have, literally “counting their blessings.” Not that this magically solves all of life’s problems. You’ll still have bills to pay, financial worries that plague you; it’s just that this sets you in the right frame of mind to keep you going in the right direction and keep you out of trouble! Think of it this way...
When I was kid, whenever I would get “down,” a little unhappy – especially whenever there was stuff I wanted but couldn’t have, my mother (she was so annoying) would tell me to go clean out the closet in my room, or clean out a desk drawer. Now, part of this, I’m sure was simply to get me to clean up my room! But far deeper, what I learned in this (and what I believe she was really trying to teach me) was that, whenever I would clean out a closet or a drawer, I would find a whole bunch of stuff that I had forgotten I had. Have you ever done that? Suddenly you go from needy to rich and it doesn’t cost you a cent! A great lesson! In fact... You want to feel wealthy to the point of being embarrassed by it? Clean your attic!
TAKE INVENTORY. This is the first step in having a right relationship with “stuff.” And most especially, in this, to remember to take inventory of what REALLY MATTERS. Recently I came upon the following quote – it said: “Measure your wealth not by what you have, but by what you have that you would not take money for.”
What do you have that you would not take money for? Marriage, family, parents, children, friends, career, church home, your eternal salvation in Jesus Christ? This is your true wealth! Begin by setting your mind on these things – the priceless riches you possess. Again, this doesn’t necessarily solve all life’s problems, but it “gets your head on straight.” Remember it this way:
There’s an old Irish proverb that says, “Every day get down on your knees and thank God you’re still on your feet.” Give thanks for the basic blessings you possess. Rule #1: Take inventory. From this, then...

(II)
Rule #2: SET A HIGH PRICE.
Building upon this first point, I believe it’s important, secondly, note the premise that drives this commandment:
The basic premise here is that material things, in and of themselves, are not particularly bad. Note that the commandment never says that there is anything wrong with property or money or material possessions. What it does say, however, is that certain ways of GETTING these things are wrong. The issue is HOW WE GET what we get – the COST to ourselves and others. Specifically, the commandment telling us that we are not to take (or keep) anything that belongs to someone else.
Now, we can easily recognize certain obvious ways that this occurs – such as: shoplifting, embezzlement, burglary, auto theft... But do we also recognize it in all the many more subtle ways it equally happens? For example...
Say, on a grand scale: Developed nations misusing the labor of un-developed nations for economic gain. Societal inequality in which the “haves” rob the “have nots” of their hope of a future through their refusal to support social reform.
Or how about on a more personal scale: Taking some (supposedly) “insignificant” stationery items home from the office. Refusing to fully report your income to the IRS. Not giving an employer a full day’s work for a full day’s wages.
Even closer to home: Always out working to make more, never believing you have enough saved away, so that you never have time for those you love. Or permitting financial stresses to rob your affection for your loved ones – taking things out on them.
All these, and so many others, are just as much stealing, just as much taking or keeping what belongs to someone else as putting our hand in someone’s pocket and taking their wallet! Make no mistake: The incredible simplicity of this commandment is also its incredibly far-reaching impact! No exemptions, no qualifications, no gradations, no excuses are mentioned or accepted! It’s simply: No taking what belongs to another! Period.
Now, what’s the problem with this? What’s the big deal, particularly regarding some of these, seemingly, tiny infractions?
Well, the issue is this: Whenever we steal (in whatever form that takes), a series of things occur: First, we HURT OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD – we do something that God doesn’t like and that stands between us and the Lord. Secondly, we DO VIOLENCE TO OTHERS: We hurt them and break down the whole structure that holds us together. And thirdly, we LOSE A PIECE OF OURSELVES: Essentially, we SELL OUT to STUFF. In effect, God is telling us here that “STUFF” MATTERS – but not in the way we necessarily always understand...
You know, within our faith, there have traditionally been two different basic approaches to the issue of material possessions that have endlessly competed with one another: One approach says that all material things are bad and that a person of faith should have as little to do with them as possible – this is the whole radical denunciation of all earthly ways kind of thing. The other approach, however, argues that material goods are actually one of the primary forms of God’s blessing and thus are to be pursued whole-heartedly – this being the whole “prosperity gospel” kind of thing. As that infamous prosperity gospel evangelist Rev. Ike used to say: “The best thing we can do for the poor is not be one of them.”
Yeah, right.
Well, strictly speaking, both extremes are equally misguided. In the Bible as a whole, money and possessions are not inherently bad or inherently good; they are inherently NEUTRAL. That is, material things are a vehicle, a tool, used by each person – the use determining the meaning: good or evil. In the Bible, there are rich people who are cursed and rich people who are blessed; poor people who are blessed, and poor people who are cursed. It depends upon the person!
To put it another way: As we have noted in the past, we are all, essentially, SPIRITUAL BEINGS. But in this earthly life, being in HUMAN, PHYSICAL form, we thus must use the physical, tangible things of this life – and how we use them speaks to WHO WE ARE! This is the basic premise that drives this whole commandment: That material things are not inherently good or bad; it’s what we make of them: what they mean to us, how we acquire them, what we seek from them and what we do with them that matters.
And this is the next thing this commandment is saying to us: That STUFF MATTERS, it’s not insignificant. Not only are our material possessions central to our relationship with God and one of the primary ways we INTERACT with one another; but ultimately, within these two things, they REVEAL WHO WE TRULY ARE! We make our stuff what it is, and it, in turn, tells us who we really are – if we are willing to listen! Simply put:
More than just about anything else in our lives, our use of our wealth, our material things, reveals what’s really going on in our hearts. I mean, we can say that this or that is what really matters to us, what is truly important... In regards to our faith we can say we believe in one thing or another, we can come to church every Sunday and say all the prayers, sing all the hymns, recite all the pious phrases; but when it comes to what actually do with our stuff, that’s where the rubber really meets the road! If you want to know who you really are, follow the money, look at your checkbook – it’s more a theological than a financial statement!
And this is what this commandment is secondly asking: What is your “stuff” trying to say to you about who you are - what you really believe in, what’s important to you, how you’re living, the choices you’re making; and most especially, what you need to CHANGE that’s keeping you from life – the stealing that’s occurring - the stealing of life for things - the ways you are selling yourself cheaply to “stuff”?
Swapping eternal salvation for a couple of dollar items pocketed at work. Trading relationships for another item eventually boxed away and forgotten in the attic. Not caring what happens to someone else far across the world just so long as we don’t have to pay a few more dollars at the supermarket. Seeking happiness, or escape, in “going shopping” instead of facing up to real issues we need to address. Using money as a manipulative tool instead of having real relationships with those we claim to love.
Perhaps you recall the following story that made the national news a number of years ago. It’s a news item that plays almost like a parable:
On January 8, 1997 there was a Brinks armored car that had an accident on a highway outside of Miami, Florida. Approximately half-a-million dollars in coins, bills, and food stamps spilled forth from the vehicle in one of the poorest areas in the state. People frantically started running around, picking up the money.
Now, many decided to keep the money, undoubtedly saying to themselves things like: “Why not, nobody will know I took it” or “Everybody else is doing it, why shouldn’t I?” or “Hey, nobody gets hurt by this – they have insurance to cover these kinds of things!”
While this was going on, however, a handful of the people present chose to return the money: One fireman on the scene immediately handed over a bag containing thousands of dollars – he said he felt uncomfortable even touching the money. One welfare mother returned the money that blew her way saying, “If I didn’t do this, what kind of message would I be sending my children?” And one little 11-year-old boy picked up 83 cents that had rolled near his feet and went out of his way to go and hand it to the police. Yet still, hundreds-of-thousands of dollars remained unreturned.
Who, that day, went away truly wealthy?
Jesus once said: “What does it profit a person to gain the whole world and yet forfeit their soul?” True profit and loss. We can listen to this story and think about what we would do in that situation; but what are we actually doing every single day? What is your life worth and how cheaply would you sell it? How cheaply do you sell it? Look at your use of stuff. Consider what’s being stolen.
Rule #2: Set a high price for yourself. Which leads us into, finally...
(III)
Rule #3: MAKE PARTICIPATION THE GOAL.
One author writes: “There once was a father who took his young son to a fast food restaurant and bought him some French fries. As the two sat down at a table to eat, the father did what many fathers often do - he reached over to take one of his son’s fries. The boy quickly slapped his father’s hand, saying, ‘No, daddy, those are my fries!’
“The father became angry. He thought to himself: ‘How selfish can you get? I gave him those fries. He wouldn’t have them if it wasn’t for me. Why wouldn’t he want to give even just one back to me in gratitude, that the joy of the moment might be even greater? I can give him all the fries he wants!’
“The father was just about to take the fries from the boy to punish him, when he thought further: ‘How often is this exactly the way I am with God? God has given me everything I have. I would have nothing without God. God asks for a little back, not because God needs it, but because God knows this is part of discovering the deeper joy of sharing in the experience of giving. How often do I, instead, slap God’s hand and say “No! Get your own. These are mine!”?’”
The final question here: Who owns your French fries? That is, this is the final issue at work here: the all too common problem of confusing stewardship with ownership. Believing that the goal in life is acquisition not participation.
This is, finally, what stealing is all about: It’s about GRASPING - it’s wanting to hold, to possess. And this is ultimately the source of all material problems: The mistaken belief that we CAN possess, that we can OWN; rather than that everything we have ultimately BELONGS TO ANOTHER – namely, the Lord – and that we, at best, only have it, for a time, as DISTRIBUTORS. When we keep this in mind, everything falls into place – blessings abound. But when we forget this, as we so often do, everything falls apart – and the blessings stop!
Whenever we have in abundance what another lacks and we fail to give it to them – be it in refusing charity or offering insignificant charity in relation to our income; or, something as simple as failing to offer praise or encouragement to someone we encounter who needs such things – in this we STEAL, we steal from God, because we are holding on to something that is not ours – what has only been entrusted to us for use for another. As a great Christian put it, very succinctly, generations ago:
“When someone steals a man’s clothes, we call him a thief; shouldn’t we give the same name to one who could clothe the naked but does not?”
To put it more plainly: We are designed to GIVE. As the great Protestant reformer Martin Luther once said: “God divided the hands into fingers so that the things we seek to grasp could slip through.”
As with the last few weeks’ commandments, this is another one that is stated NEGATIVELY – as something we are not to do. But as we’ve noted over the past few weeks, God is not simply aiming to keep us from doing something negative; God is ultimately trying to get us to do something positive. So what is the positive restatement of this week’s instruction? Well, the command basically is: “Don’t take from other people.” The reverse? “Give to other people.” The final point here:
Giving is where life is. Think of this from your own experience – it’s like:
I don’t know about you, but I love stuff. Sometimes I like getting rid of stuff just so that I can get new stuff! I love stuff as much as the next guy. In fact, sometimes I love the next guy’s stuff! (But that’s the sermon for two weeks from today!)
Hey, I’m a guy – of course I love stuff. For me, it’s old cars and clarinets. Can’t have too many old cars or clarinets. Everybody’s got their thing.
I like my stuff. But no matter how much I like it, I find that if I look back over my life, the things I am more proud of, that ultimately mean more to me, are the times when I GAVE SACRIFICIALLY – something that really cost me that helped someone else. And I’m pretty sure that everyone of us here today, if we look back over our lives, finds the same thing. Now, such giving is tough, we fight it, it’s not natural; but this is what God’s getting at here – he’s saying:
“I give you things because I want you to be happy. Enjoy the things you have – they are a gift from me. Enjoy your stuff. But don’t let things end there – it’s less than half the full blessing. Instead, as much as possible, try to increasingly focus more on giving than getting, because this is where life’s real blessings are found – you find yourself part of what I’m doing. That’s why I gave you the ‘stuff’ in the first place: so you can participate in my great giving. Do this, most especially, when things get tough. As backwards as it sounds: give when you have little because it takes charge of stuff (instead of it being in charge of you) and creates true, lasting joy – you become in control and confident; instead of anxious and frantic.”
Think of it this way...
Have you ever heard the story of the two guys who, in a storm at sea, became shipwrecked on a deserted island? Landing on the island, the first man kept pacing around anxiously, while the second man just sat against a tree sunning himself. Witnessing this, the first man said, “I can’t believe how calm you are. Why aren’t you freaking out? Don’t you know that we may die here?!” The second man replied, “I’m not worried, you see, I make $100,000 a week and I faithfully tithe 10% of that to my church. Trust me, my church’s finance committee will find us!”
When your life is based on giving, you don’t have to worry, you’re confident wherever life takes you, because your life is in order! The great Corrie Ten Boom once said: “I have held many things in my hands and have lost them all; but whatever I have placed in God’s hands, that I still possess... The measure of a life, after all, is not it’s duration but its donation.” Get focused on giving, more directed towards using your possessions for God’s work than your own needs, and everything falls into place - life’s blessings abound. One author tells the following true story:
“When I was in Bible College, a tractor trailer load of Tropicana Orange Juice was dropped off at the cafeteria every week. I wondered how a low cost Bible College like I was attending could afford so much expensive O.J. One morning in chapel, I found out how:
“An older Italian man, speaking in broken English, gave his testimony. He said he had come to the U.S. from Italy in the 20’s as a young teenager, with nothing but the clothes on his back. A Christian couple befriended him and through their love he came to know Christ as his Savior and Lord.
“One Sunday in church, he prayed: ‘Lord, if you give me an idea for a business, I will be faithful to give a portion of everything I make back to your work.’ That very
morning, the idea of ‘Fresh-squeezed orange juice’ popped into his head, and the rest is history:
“Anthony Rossi founded the Tropicana Co. and was faithful to give God, not 10% of his income, as many faithful believers do, but 50% of his income, for over 60 years! He also gave truckloads of free O.J. to Christian colleges throughout the country – to directly help more onto Christ, as he himself had been helped!”
Blessed by God, and in response: blessed even more by using his possessions to be a blessing!

Someone once said: “Material possessions make a wonderful servant but a lousy master.”
Which is it for you, more often than not: Servant or master?
Make the things of this life your servant. Quit being pushed around by them. Take inventory. Set the price high. And make the participation the goal.

“You shall not steal.”

You shall not commit adultery

God’s Top Ten List, VII:
“You Shall Not Commit Adultery”
Exodus 20:14
Rev. Clark Lynn Callender, 10/24/10

If you were asked to define what MARRIAGE is, how would you answer? Well, one simple philosopher has suggested the following – he says: “Marriage is when you agree to spend the rest of your life sleeping in a room that’s too warm for you, beside someone who’s sleeping in a room that’s too cold for them.”
Not bad. And most married couples can probably relate! But, perhaps, more directly to the point, another person says: “Marriage is the art of falling in love over and over again, always with the same person.”
Marriage – the art falling in love, over and over again with the same person. This is something of what I’d like to talk about this morning...

Today, in our on-going study of the Ten Commandments, we arrive at the “juicy, R-rated” portion of the law – we turn to consider the topic of marriage; this being part of the series of final commandments in which God focuses our attention around how we properly live-out some of the most basic, common experiences of human life: Two weeks ago, the topic was FAMILY. Last week, it was LIFE AND DEATH. Next week – PROPERTY. And this week - MARRIAGE. And what is the one piece of instruction God offers regarding this subject? “You Shall not commit adultery.”
Now, as with last week’s commandment, in the original Hebrew this is just two words: “NO ADULTERY” – very clear, and obviously very good advice – that is: A married person is not to have intimate relations with anyone besides their spouse. As the old saying goes: “Marriages are like diets - they can be ruined by having a little dish on the side.”
Perfect instruction. Yet still, if you could offer only one piece of advice on the subject of marriage, one of the human bonds central to civilization, would this be it? Does this sum up all that needs to be said about having a happy, healthy marriage? Why has God singled this out to be the one thing said on the subject here? What is this really all about?
Well, as with the discussion of the Sixth Commandment last week, I believe the secret to understanding this Seventh Commandment is to be found in looking to our Savior’s reflection upon it, taking our cue from him. Jesus said:

As with last week’s discussion, we see that Jesus takes the commandment and pushes it to the extreme. Once again, he makes the point that it is possible to keep the letter of the law (that is, not commit any physical act); and yet still to break entirely the INTENT of the law. And for him, it would always seems, whether the act is committed in thought or deed, the intent is the real issue that must be addressed because this is what drives the whole thing. And to get to this, Jesus once again tries to push us to see what’s going on in our HEARTS.
In so doing, I believe, he reveals that the act of adultery can illuminate some of the primary issues at stake not only in human relationships in general, but in SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE in particular – and this is what I would like to look at...


(I)
The first issue that adultery brings to our attention is the need (in any healthy relationship, any healthy marriage) for MUTUALITY. Consider the illustration Jesus uses for the potential adulterer:
He talks about a person “lusting (after another) in their heart.” (The famous line that poor old Jimmy Carter was never able to live down!) What is the foundation of such desire, whether acted upon or not – what starts is going?
At its most basic level, it’s a preoccupation with SELF. This is what one is saying in lust: “I want that! I!” One is looking at someone else; but the focus is solely on one’s SELF! Adultery, in other words, is first a form of SELFISHNESS: One is concerned not with what happens to anyone else, not at all with what one might offer them; one is concerned only about what one wants to GET. And this can occur in any marriage, even if there are never any instances of actual adultery – and it’s always the sign of a troubled marriage - the damage, though present in more subtle ways, being just as bad: Focusing oneself solely on GETTING NOT GIVING. On what you get out of the relationship. Think of it this way:
Comedian Tim Allen says that, when he was growing up, his mother used to tell him that the only reason why men were put on this earth was “for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.” That’s all you get, their only value.
Conversely, many men believe that the only reason why their wives exist is to cook and clean for them, and to make their life wonderful! It’s like the divorced woman, who when questioned as to why we she and her husband separated, replied: “The grounds of our divorce was religious differences. He believed he was God, and I didn’t.”
Have you ever heard the story of the man who, one day, on his commute home from work read a book entitled, Man of the House? Newly enlightened by his reading, the man stormed into the house to confront his wife. Pointing his finger in her face, he said, “From now on, I want you to know that I am the man of this house, and my word is law. Tonight you are to prepare me a gourmet meal and a sumptuous dessert. Then, when I’m done eating, you’re going to draw me a bath so I can have a relaxing soak. And when I’m finished with my bath, guess who’s going to lay out my clothes and comb my hair?” His wife replied, “My guess is the funeral director.”
This whole preoccupation with ourselves – with what we get out of our relationships. The first sign of a bad marriage: No mutuality – no give and take. The couple not continually working out the rules of the exchange and each striving to abide by them. Rather, simply each out for themselves, everybody trying to take, to get... the first issue that adultery brings to our attention.
What is the goal of your relationships, your marriage, to you: Get or give. Are you more concerned with what you receive or with what you can offer? When was the last time you gave – gave to your spouse, purely what would make their life better? Mutuality – equality – not one person giving, the other person taking; but both giving and taking, giving and receiving.
You know, it has been said that the four most important words in any marriage are these: “I’ll do the dishes.” When was the last time you did something for your spouse? Author Gary Chapman, in his book The Five Love Languages, writes:
“One of the things I do for my wife regularly as an act of love is to vacuum the floors. Do you think that vacuuming floors comes naturally for me? My mother used to make me vacuum. All through junior high and high school, I couldn’t go play ball on Saturday until I finished vacuuming the entire house. In those days, I said to myself, ‘When I get out of here, one thing I am not going to do: I am never going to vacuum houses.
“But I vacuum our house now, and I vacuum it regularly. And there is only one reason I vacuum our house: Love. You couldn’t pay me enough to vacuum a house, but I do it for love – because I know how much it helps my wife out. You see, when an action doesn’t come naturally to you, it is a greater expression of love. My wife knows that when I vacuum the house, it’s nothing but 100 percent pure, unadulterated love...”
MUTUALITY – Giving not just taking.
(II)
Related to this then, the second issue that this commandment raises is the issue of SUPPORT for one another. You know, this prohibition against adultery then brings to our attention is the great danger of OBJECTIFYING other people. Once again, returning to Jesus’ reflection on the subject:
When one lusts after another person, one is not only thinking only of one’s own wants, one’s self; one is also seeing that other person as a “THING” – not a full human being; but simply something wanted: an OBJECT.
Notice that Jesus doesn’t say that if you simply find someone attractive that you’ve sinned. Recognizing the attractiveness of another person is normal and natural – it’s part of the drive that draws us to our mate. The issue is simply what you do with that and where it takes you! Think of it this way:
There is an old story that’s told of two Buddhist monks walking in a drenching thunderstorm. They came to a stream, and it was swollen out of its banks. A beautiful young woman stood there wanting to get to the other side but was afraid of the currents. In characteristic Buddhist compassion, one of the monks said, “Can I help you?” The woman said, “I need to cross this stream.” The monk picked the beautiful young woman up, carried her through the water, and put her down on the other side. He and his companion then continued on their journey.
After about two miles of walking in complete silence, suddenly the second monk stopped and said to his companion, “I have a bone to pick with you. As Buddhist monks, we have taken vows not to look on a woman, much less touch her body. Back there by the river you did both. I can’t believe you held that beautiful young woman!”
To this the first monk replied, “My brother, I put that woman down two miles ago, why are you still carrying her?”
Recognizing the attractiveness of another person is normal and natural – the issue is what you do with that, whether or not you “keep carrying” it! That is, the problem occurs when attraction is nurtured and fostered, allowed to turn into a DESIRE for another – a “lust” (from the verb “to devour”): that is: you desire to posses and consume them. They are merely a “thing” to you – an OBJECT.
And what’s the problem here? Well, if something is merely an object to us, what does that do to how we feel about it? We don’t really care about it, and thus we can easily, and in good conscience MISTREAT it. Just think about how this destructive objectifying of other people can play itself out in many ordinary events of day life – for example:
In the social world it stands at the heart of such all too common occurrences of sexual harassment in the workplace, date rape, and the so-called extramarital “casual affair” (an oxymoron if there ever was one) whose justification is always: “It didn’t mean anything.” Which, if true, actually means more!
All of these are based on objectification: The DE-HUMANIZATION of another human being. Don’t see another person as a real, full human being; rather, just as a “thing” for oneself. Once you’ve done that, the rest is easy, you’re free to do as you like, because WHO CARES?!
Sadly, this same kind of thing often happens right within many marriages. The extreme example being the abuser who views their spouse only as their property, an object which they can treat as they desire; but, of course, similar kinds of things can also take place in many much more ordinary, un-noticeable ways – for instance:
Do you want to know what the most common, and most difficult to resolve, marital problem there is? It’s when one of the person in the marriage CHANGES – something about them becomes different from who they have been – new values, new goals, new expectations.
What frequently happens in such cases is that the partner of this person becomes upset. Why? Because, to them, it appears as though their partner has “broken the rules” of their marriage: “He/she is not who I married!” Translation: “They’re not who I think they should be!”
The inverse of this, its “mirror image” if you will, being the person who marries somebody expecting – indeed, even planning – on changing them: “Oh, I know he’s a slob; but I can change him.” “Oh, I know she wants to have her own career, but she’ll change her mind once the kids come along. “Oh, I know that the treats me badly, sometimes even hurts me; but my love will turn him around!”
What’s the old saying: “Most people spend half their life constantly trying to change their spouse, and the other half constantly complaining that their spouse is not the person they married”? Objectification – the other person not totally real; but rather, a “thing” we want only on our terms not theirs.
Simply put: Do you want to know if you have a good relationship – married or otherwise? Ask yourself: Does this person see me as a complete human being, see greatness in me? Do they want to hold me back or do they want the best for me? Do they encourage that, support that, work for that, even if it may cause some difficulty for them? Do I seek the same for them? Good relationships bring out the best in each person. The participants are not objects, but living, breathing human beings. Supporting each other’s humanity and growth. Consider the following true story:
Many years ago, a writer had written a manuscript for a book, and had sent it to several publishers without success. He grew so discouraged that he threw the manuscript into the wastepaper basket. His wife, who believed greatly in him and knew this was just a momentary frustration, tried to salvage the manuscript, but he told her sternly: “We’ve wasted enough time on it. I forbid you to remove it from the wastebasket!”
Undeterred, she decided to show the manuscript to at least one more publisher. When she arrived at that publisher’s office, she pulled out the most unusual looking proposal that the publisher had ever received. Underneath a wrapping of brown paper was a wastepaper basket still holding the writer’s manuscript. This way, she reasoned, she was not technically going against her husband’s wishes. She did not remove the manuscript from the wastebasket the publisher did it for her. And when he read it, he loved it.
The writer in this story? Norman Vincent Peale, and the manuscript was The Power of Positive Thinking. The book that Peale tossed in the trashcan eventually sold 30 million copies. His wife believed in him, wanted him to grow and move and live, and she supported that, even at risk to her own relationship.
Does your partnership nurture growth or stagnation? Do you objectify and hold back one another for yourself; or support and encourage life? Second issue: SUPPORT.
(III)
From this then, the third issue that is raised here being the prime importance of SOLIDARITY within a marriage.
This, of course, is the very heart of this commandment. At its most basic level it’s about the fact that marriage, at its core, is two people joined to each other and NO OTHER. This the primary human relationship for them. As it says in the book of Genesis in the description of the first marriage:

Marriage is about LEAVING and CLINGING. That is, for the married person it’s about making all other human relationships secondary to one’s relationship with one’s spouse: leaving all others and clinging to this one person. Not that one doesn’t have other relationships, other interests, that’s part of being a healthy, well-rounded individual; it’s just a question of ORDER: What takes PRIORITY? Adultery, of course, being, in its most basic definition: a DIVIDING of this joining. A SUBDIVISION of this union.
You see, this is exactly where a lot of couples unknowingly fall into trouble in their marriages – they never commit any formal act of adultery, but their marriages are destroyed, just the same, by the INTENT of adultery. That is, they allow other people, other issues, to take PROMINENCE OVER their relationship with their spouse. For some it’s their work, for others it’s the kids, for still others it’s other family members, parents, friends...
Ironically, for many it’s just being so busy out trying to create a perfect marriage: beautiful house, secure retirement, every possible activity for the children – that they lose track of their spouse in the process! The person they’re actually married to becomes secondary to creating the perfect marriage!
Too many married people allow themselves to choose too many other things before their spouse and thus their marriages are in trouble. The main thing that many people choose being their original families – their parents over their spouse. It always causes trouble. It’s like the old joke about the two cannibals who had just finished a meal and one of them is holding his stomach in pain. The other cannibal asks, “What’s the matter?” To which the first cannibal replies, “Well, I just ate my mother-in-law and she still doesn’t agree with me!”
It never goes well!
In once knew a guy whose mother and wife just could not get along. The classic mother-in-law routine. The two women were always at each other’s throats, they disagreed on everything. And in every argument, you know who the husband sided with? With his mother – with “mommy”. Well guess what happened? Surprise, surprise... One day he woke up DIVORCED! He wasn’t making his spouse his primary union – he wasn’t choosing her first!
It’s like... You hear a lot of married people nowadays carrying on relationships with other people ON LINE. Playin’ with fire! They say, “It’s okay. It’s just talk.” But curiously, many having more personal, intimate conversations by computer than they’re having with their own spouse. Let’s be clear: This adultery, plain and simple, because such people are choosing someone else to be closer to their heart than their spouse. That’s what adultery is ultimately about, even without any physical act – it’s INTIMACY.
Basically, a lot of people have trouble in their marriages because when they “get to the party” they don’t “dance with the one they came with”! They spend all their time dancing with everybody else! If you want a successful marriage YOU DANCE WITH THE ONE WHO BRUNG YA!
Simply put: Marriage is a choice. It’s the only relationship within your family that is a choice. You don’t choose your parents, you don’t choose your kids... You don’t choose your siblings, your grandparents, aunts, uncles, nephews, nieces, in-laws… third cousins twice removed! You get what you get. Marriage is the only pure choice within a family and thus it only exists as long as you make that choice. It is two people saying to one another: “Out of a world full of people I choose you. It’s two people choosing one another. Most marriages fall apart because the participants choose other things.
To have a great marriage, you have to always remember that love you have to CHOOSE IT - constantly. Every day, in some way, CHOOSE ONE ANOTHER. Realize it is a choice you have to be continually making or it will all be taken away.
Understand, there are moments in marriage where you are so in love with one another you think your heart is going to burst. Conversely, however, let’s be honest: There will also be those times when you look across the kitchen table and wonder, “What on earth was I thinking?!”
The point being: the feeling ebbs and flows; but that’s not what true love is. True love is a CHOICE – as the great C.S. Lewis says: “Love is not a feeling but a determined act of will.” Love is a choice that carries you through the low times in order to keep lifting you to ever higher times!
Every day, in some way, choose one another: In some small act of kindness. In some profound act of personal sacrifice. Choose one another over all other relationships. Choose one another over work. Choose one another over money. Choose one another over getting your way. Choose one another over winning the argument. Chose one another – over and over again. Don’t just make this a one-time choice; make this an ALL-TIME CHOICE!
You know, the story is told of a young couple who, one day, were visiting with an older couple who were celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. “Fifty years!” the young husband exclaimed, “That is a long time to be married to one person.” The old gentleman looked over at his wife with love in his eyes and said, “It would have been a lot longer without her.”
A great marriage, a great love - created by continually choosing each other - over and over again, day by day by day. Which more often happens for you: Do other issues decide your marriage, or does your marriage decide other issues? Are you choosing your spouse above all others? Are you a team?
SOLIDARITY. Which leads us into our fourth and final issue here...
(IV)
ROMANCE.
Do you know that, according to Harlequin publishing house, which has been in the romance business for half a century, more than 180 million romance novels are purchased each year, with Harlequin itself selling, on average, five-and-a-half books per second?!
People are desperate for romance. And this is my final point here: As with last week, the commandment before us stated NEGATIVELY – something we are NOT to do; but that is not its sole meaning. That is, God is not simply telling us something we are NOT to do; he is trying to tell us what we SHOULD do. So what is the positive restatement of our commandment today? Well, the commandment essentially says: “Don’t romance other people!” So what’s the reverse? ROMANCE YOUR SPOUSE.
So many couples finally fail to do this, they take each other for granted, they neglect the relationship, and, if not having their marriages actually fall apart, at the very least their marriages are not what they should be! As a young child once said: “You really shouldn’t say ‘I love you’ unless you mean it. But if you do mean it, you should say it a lot because people forget.”
“If you mean it, you should say it a lot because people forget.” Romance your spouse! Say, “I love you;” hold hands, go on dates. And by this I don’t mean as someone once sarcastically said: “My wife and I have a great marriage because every week we reserve two nights to go out to dinner and then take a quiet walk on the beach. Her night is Tuesday... and mine is Friday!”
No! Romance each other not yourself! Basically, returning to where we began: “Marriage is about falling in love over and over again, with the same person.” Have you taken time today to fall in love again with your spouse? To remember what draws you to them – not to just be hung up on what problems you’re having with them right now; but to remember why you love them; and to then express this that you see to them – show them, tell them? How can you do that, today? How do they most need to hear it, see it?
Joni Eareckson Tada, who was paralyzed in a diving accident as a teenager, reflects on her wedding day, and what she learned that day – and she writes:
“I felt awkward as my girlfriends strained to shift my paralyzed body into a cumbersome wedding gown. No amount of corseting and binding gave me a perfect shape. The dress just didn’t fit well. Then, as I was wheeling into the church, I glanced down and noticed that I’d accidentally run over the hem of my dress, leaving a greasy tire mark. My paralyzed hands couldn’t hold the bouquet of daisies that lay off-center on my lap. And my chair, though decorated for the wedding, was still a big, clunky gray machine with belts, gears, and ball bearings. I certainly didn’t feel like the picture-perfect bride in a bridal magazine.
“I inched my chair closer to the last pew to catch a glimpse of my fiancé Ken in front. And there he was, standing tall and stately in his formal attire. And I noticing him looking for me, craning his neck as far as he could to look up the aisle. He couldn’t wait to see me! My face flushed, and I suddenly couldn’t wait to be with him. The love in Ken’s face had washed away all my feelings of unworthiness. I was his pure and perfect bride. He still looks at me that way and try to I see myself in his eyes and to see him the same way. It’s how Christ, the model of love, sees us – reflected, in our best moments, in our marriages.”

Someone once said: “It takes two people to make a successful marriage; but only one to make it a failure. The Seventh Commandment – God trying to lead us into great marriages through sharing, and supporting, and choosing, and romancing. Will we listen and be truly blessed?

“You shall not commit adultery.”

You Shall Not Murder

God’s Top Ten List, VI:
“You Shall Not Murder”
Exodus 20:13
Rev. Clark Lynn Callender, 10/17/10

Someone once said: “Every day, other lives move through our own. Some we recognize, many we never even notice. But often, unbeknownst to us, we affect these lives greatly – in a word, in an action; deciding what their day will bring – sometimes, if they will know a tomorrow.”
This is what I would like to talk about this morning: The lives that move through ours every day.

This morning we arrive at the commandment that most would argue ought to have come first, Number Six on our hit parade - in the old English: “Thou shalt not kill.”
This is generally the commandment most people mention when asked to list the Ten; it is the one that many consider to be the most important; and it is (traditionally) the commandment around which most people decide ultimate GOODNESS OR BADNESS. For example: How do people who see themselves as basically good often describe themselves? They’ll say: “Well, I know I’m not perfect; but... I’ve never killed anybody!”
We set such high standards for ourselves.
Beyond this, this is also the commandment that stands at the center of so many of the most heated ethical debates within our modern culture – and to which many point as validation of their opinions within those debates: Capital punishment, war, pacifism, self defense, euthanasia, abortion, use of deadly force... even animal rights and vegetarianism all circle around this commandment and make appeals to it.
More so than any other commandment, this is the one most people think they best understand. It seems so simple. This is the one we best know what it says and doesn’t say, the one we can best tell if someone has kept or has failed to keep.
But do we really know any of this? Or is this commandment, perhaps, the most complex and confusing of all; and the most demanding and difficult in what it asks of us?
In the original Hebrew, the command is just TWO WORDS (again, in the traditional English translation): “NO KILLING.” Now, that would seem fairly straightforward; what’s the problem, where’s the complexity, the difficulty of application? Well, let’s look ahead in the story, shall we, to say... just the next chapter of the book:

If there’s not supposed to be any killing, why is God then giving all this instruction as to WHEN TO KILL?!
It gets worse... The Israelites, having received the Law at Mount Sinai, eventually leave the wilderness and are given (by God) the land of Canaan, the “Promised Land” – and how are they to acquire it? BY KILLING its present inhabitants:

“No killing”?! Oh, really?! The Bible is filled with killing. What gives here? What does this commandment actually say to us? Three thoughts...
(I)
First this commandment says to us that SOMETIMES THERE IS NO RIGHT ANSWER.
Right off the top, in order to properly understand and apply this commandment, the first thing we need to note is that the traditional word “kill” here is perhaps better translated, in modern English, as “MURDER”: “You shall not murder.” As we know, there tends to be a slight distinction between these two words: All murder is killing but not all killing is murder. And the Hebrew picks up something of this distinction:
The Hebrew word here is RATZACH. It’s a word that’s used about 40 times in the Old Testament, always referring to a human being that is killed. It can be intentional or unintentional; but always there seems to be certain sense of malice aforethought, or callous indifference, involved.
Now we’ll come back to this later; but for the moment I believe it’s interesting to note that in choosing this word, God passes over 9 other Hebrew words that (are used in the Bible to) refer to killing. That is, right off the top, a certain distinction seems to be set up here as if to say that some types of killing are permitted while some are not; leading many scholars to argue that what this commandment actually prohibits is UNAUTHORIZED KILLING. That is, not just killing in general; but killing not “cleared”, not “permitted” - that this commandment could be read: “NO UNAUTHORIZED KILLING.”
Well, if there can be said to be “unauthorized” killing, what must there also be? Authorized killing. This is possibility that this commandment opens up - as witnessed right within the very, seemingly conflicting, scriptural context in which it is found! And we are all already aware of the possibility of such a distinction – for example:
If you shoot someone for no reason, that’s clearly murder; but if they were first coming at you with a knife... That may be self-defense. It’s a question of AUTHORIZATION. It’s like...
Do you remember the action movie “True Lies”? Arnold Schwarzenegger is a spy; but his wife, Jamie Lee Curtis, doesn’t know this. When she finds out, she says to him: “You’re a spy?! Well, have you ever killed anyone?” To which Arnold, like a little boy, replies: “Yes, but they were all bad!”
Authorization! We see this same kind of thing throughout the Bible itself: It’s not that there is no killing by the people of God; it’s just that some of the killings are said to be authorized by God, while others are said to be not authorized by God. All of which, of course, raises the question: What, specifically, is authorized and what is unauthorized?
Unfortunately, the commandment itself doesn’t specify. It doesn’t directly tell us what is permissible and what is impermissible; it doesn’t tell us where we can go to discover such information; it doesn’t tell us that, even finding such a list, whether such rules are universally binding for all time; at best, it hints at intention as having something to do with it – but even this is vague and unclear – a lot of uncertainty present... Yes, this commandment is an “answer” if you will: “No unauthorized killing.” But just as much, if not even more, it is an endless question: “What is unauthorized?” There’s a lot of “gray area” here... and that’s precisely the point!
This commandment is, I believe, deliberately both EXPLICIT and AMBIGUOUS – that is, both FINAL and OPEN-ENDED – AT THE SAME TIME; this in order to draw us into full participation within its reality, namely: The tremendous complexity - and often irresolvable nature – of OUR ROLE within the activity of LIFE AND DEATH! Yes, this commandment provides us with an answer; but just as much, asks us to struggle endlessly with a question – a question for which, in many situations, we can NEVER have PERFECT CLOSURE:
Allied troops in World War II, seeking to liberate a concentration camp, encounter fierce opposition. Use of deadly force – authorized or unauthorized?
An extremely ill person, no chance of recovery, in tremendous pain, slips into a coma, brain stops. Living Will notwithstanding – feed them or don’t feed them? Authorized or unauthorized?
A pregnant woman in labor. Suddenly, due to complications, her life in grave danger. The doctors can save either her or her baby, they can’t save both. What’s authorized, what’s unauthorized?
In these, and in so many other instances where this commandment “touches home”: to STRUGGLE with the QUESTION being the real point! And why? Because it is only in this constant struggle that our attention and trust are focused where they should rightly be: ON GOD ALONE. Any other use of this commandment being an attempt to diminish (if not outright absolve) that focus – see no need for it: “I don’t need God on this. I’ve got this down!”
Remember, the commandment itself does not specifically define all the particulars of what killing is permissible and what is not. And even if it did, we could undoubtedly question and debate it – as we do! For example:
I just read (from the Law of Moses):

Now, even the most fundamentalist of Biblical interpreters today does NOT APPLY this authorization. Let’s face it: If we did apply this, none of us would have ever lived past our teenage years! There’s even some question whether the people of Israel ever applied this themselves or just ignored it!
We don’t “buy” this - times change... authorizations change! And if on this issue, why not others? It doesn’t mean that everything is “up for grabs,” open to the whim of the moment; but only that the WORD OF GOD is a LIVING THING NOT DEAD!
In other words, in many real life circumstances, sometimes the best one can possibly arrive at in applying this commandment is to be UNSURE whether your application is correct of incorrect. And that’s a GOOD thing – it’s the point! Because when you are unsure, you look to God, you lean more on God. You GO TO GOD seeking God’s constant guidance and correction – the only way to keep yourself on the right path! But if you think you’re SURE? Well then, who needs God!
Consider the way most people attempt to apply this commandment amidst the heated debates of our day: Sure thing; or profound, endless, ultimately irresolvable struggle of faith? Which is really closer to God – despite the claims?
And remember, the only thing we’re talking about here is AUTHORIZATION; NOT necessarily RIGHT OR WRONG. This commandment says that unauthorized killing is wrong; but (contrary to popular belief) it does not then follow that AUTHORIZED killing is RIGHT! Authorization, even God’s, is simply the granting of PERMISSION; it is NOT MORAL “CARTE BLANCHE”!
As a society, for example, we AUTHORIZE our military to wage WAR. But does that mean that, even against the most evil of enemies, war is ever a GOOD THING?
NO! All killing is wrong! It’s just that, as this commandment implies: in a fallen world, sometimes it will be authorized. That doesn’t make it right; it simply makes it permissible – forever wrong, yet due to whatever uniquely painful circumstances, needful and necessary. Authorization is not absolution – and we are in serious trouble whenever we BLUR the two! Yet this is exactly what so many try to do every day, on all sides of many troubling issues: to dismiss any personal responsibility or sin! It misses the point!
Being a real, full, human being, created “in the image of God” means having to live, in a sinful world, something like God does: Frequently finding that what must happen is not what should happen. It’s called life. And then having to forever live (as God does) with the irresolvable pain of that “must happen but should not happen” event. And in this, then finding the even greater truth: that one finally stands (or falls) solely by the grace of God – a grace that can redeem even the worst of falling. The struggle is the thing!
To put it another way: The first thing this commandment tells us, by its very setting: a prohibition against killing set within the context of permitted killing - is that, at times, we will encounter situations where there will be NO RIGHT ANSWER. No matter what path we choose, there will be pain and loss of life. Both ways are wrong - each situation and its decision being different for each individual. The issue being: Do I seek simply to absolve myself of any responsibility for my decision; or, better, to endlessly wrestle with it that I might be changed – grow closer to God through the struggle. To change who I am because of it – and from this, change the world so that this struggle might not exist for others!
One author shares the following story about a U.S. triage facility doing its best to save the lives of two Iraqi insurgents:
“The U.S. medical team moved heaven and earth to save their lives. One insurgent, however, was not going to survive unless he got 30 pints of blood... The call went out for volunteer donors; minutes later, dozens of GIs put down their weapons and lined up. At the head of the line was a battle-hardened soldier. Asked if it mattered that his blood was going to an insurgent, he smiled and said no — ‘A human life is a human life.’”
Living in the core of the struggle; and seeking to have something change because of it. SOMETIMES THERE IS NO RIGHT ANSWER. Which leads us into our second thought here:
(II)
MURDER BEGINS IN THE HEART.
As mentioned, the word “murder” here refers to a killing, intentional or unintentional, that entails a certain callous disregard for another individual – or, what we might term nowadays: DEPRAVED INDIFFERENCE. Basically, the person takes the life of another because, to them, that other person’s life, for whatever reason, DOESN’T MATTER – whether this is due to anger, or hatred, or prejudice, or selfishness, or simple apathy. That is, the text seems to be not only getting at the act itself but the INTENTION that drives it – what is going on IN THE HEART. And in this regard, our Savior’s teachings on the matter are completely consistent. In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus addresses this commandment, and he says:

Notice how Jesus focuses on what is going on WITHIN A PERSON’S HEART. And from this, note the points he makes:
First, that murder is NOT LIMITED TO PHYSICAL DEATH.
You know, I was once in the supermarket and I saw a little boy act up a bit, with which his mother proceeded to ream him out something awful, eventually saying: “You make me so angry, I wish you had never been born!”
We’ve all witnessed scenes like this, haven’t we? She never laid a hand on him, but let me tell you: If you could have seen his face. This was obviously nothing new. She was killing him, a little more every day, sure as anything!
It is exactly to this type of thing that the ancient prophets extended the meaning of this commandment. They understood that anything that cut at the root of someone’s life to be murder plain and simple, anything that supported or encouraged the downfall of life rather than built it up. A failure to help the poor, a refusal to fight for the rights of the oppressed – both were as good as murder.
Likewise, Jesus says that even anger and hatred and insult and indifference can kill! And this, of course, points things back directly at ourselves in our daily lives. This is the one commandment that many believe they have best kept; but is this, perhaps, the one we LEAST keep?
That word of whispered gossip that cuts at the reputation of another; that snide comment that breaks the legs out from under another’s self esteem; that critical word that crushes another’s hope; that disbelieving facial expression that laughs at another’s dreams; that unchallenged bigotry that considers some group of people as sub-human; that callous indifference that says to those in greatest need, “Pull yourself up by your own bootstraps;” the recent cyber-bullying that resulted in teen suicides.
There are a lot of ways to kill! But, even more, Jesus makes the point that the issue that one really has to look at is: WHAT IS GOING WITHIN YOUR HEART? This is what gives rise to murder (in all its forms) and this is what you have to fight – because it takes you down that deadly road!
You know, I remember once hearing the story of a little girl who came forward during a revival meeting and told the pastor she needed to be saved. After church the mother went up to the daughter and said, “Why did you go forward?” She said, “Mother, I needed to be saved from my sin.” The mother said, “Honey, you’re a good girl. You read your Bible. You go to church. You never give me any trouble. How can you say that you need to be saved? You’re too good to need to be saved.” The little girl looked at her mother and said, “Mother, you can’t see my heart.”
She knew that, to really get right, she had to address what was in her heart. This is the second key point here: What is going on in our hearts? We murder – we participate in it, allow it, enact it; whenever we fail to address the “depraved indifference” that so often takes over our hearts. Whenever we permit anger or resentment to fester within us unchecked; whenever we willfully turn a blind eye and a deaf ear to the lives crushed far across the world to support our opulence – not wanting our lifestyle disrupted; whenever we say “Amen” to our government sending agents around the world to assassinate our enemies not bring them to justice; whenever our nation undertakes a war that we personally feel is wrong and we never speak up against it! We have to combat this or it will consume and destroy us!
We, who are Christians, should know this best for our entire faith is based upon a MURDER: the killing of our Savior. And as one author reflects: “God was executed by people painfully like us, in a society very similar to our own... by a corrupt church, a timid politician, and a fickle proletariat led by professional agitators.” Sound familiar? People who wouldn’t confront the wrong in their hearts; but who, instead, sought only the voices of those who fueled their fear and hatred! How do we need to fight this within ourselves? Consider the following:
In the fall of 2002, Georgia native, Rick Garmon’s daughter, Katie, became a victim of date rape. She was 18-years-old at the time and a freshman in college. Too humiliated to speak about what had happened — even with her family — Katie switched schools and attempted to move on with her life.
However, the scars of that traumatic event began to fester. Over the next 14 months, she withdrew from her family and friends. She developed an eating disorder and began losing weight. Finally confronted by her mother, Julie, Katie confessed the truth. Fortunately, after a year of fervent prayer and support, Katie was able to overcome the pain and return to a normal life.
Unfortunately, Katie was not the only one struggling with inner-demons during that year. Her father was fighting his own battle against the desire for revenge. In fact, as soon as he heard the news, Rick Garmon developed a plan to kill the man who had so deeply wounded his daughter. In his book, My Secret Hate, he writes:
“I pulled back from Julie and everybody else. Get up, go to work, think about the plan, try to forget, go home, try to go to sleep, dream the plan. I plotted to drive through the campus and use my Smith and Wesson bolt-action rifle. I’d sit in the parking lot as long as necessary until he walked by. Then I could get it out of my head, and Katie could start eating again.
“Katie came home for the weekend two months after the truth came out. It tore me up to see her. She and I didn’t talk much anymore. I missed watching the Atlanta Braves with her. I missed laughing with her. I just plain missed her.
“Julie tried to tempt her with a great meal on Saturday. Sitting across from Katie, I kept my eyes on my food. It felt as though we lived in a funeral home. The only sounds were clanking of silverware and the clinking of ice. I couldn’t take the phoniness. I slammed my chair to the table and took off to my room in the basement. I’d spent a lot of time down there in my room of guns and the sports channel. Methodically, I started cleaning the rifle I’d use.
“Then I heard [my son] Thomas trotting downstairs. ‘Whatcha doing, Dad?’ (he asked). I kept on cleaning and never looked at him. I rocked in my recliner with the gun across my lap. ‘Can I help you clean?’ I didn’t say a word. ‘You going hunting?’ I looked up at him, his eyes so brown they looked almost black, just like mine. He stood inches from my knees...
“Our eyes met. Thomas’s eyes brimmed with tears. He knows. Dear, God. I think my son knows my plan. I stopped polishing the gun and laid it on the floor by the chair. ‘Come here, boy. Give your daddy a hug.’ He wrapped his arms around me tight as a cobra. Thomas’s love was somehow stronger than my hatred. His hug began to crumble my rage like a sledgehammer breaking a wall. Chip by chip.
“Locking the gun in the cabinet, I made a choice to forgive. Lord, I gotta let go of this hate. It’s killing me. The decision started in my head, not from any feeling. Swallowing back tears, Thomas and I walked upstairs together, my arm on his shoulder. I came so close.”
MURDER BEGINS IN THE HEART. All of which brings us to our third and final point...
(III)
LIVES ARE ENTRUSTED TO US.
In the end, the question this commandment raises that some may ask is: “WHY? Why does it matter if I take another’s life – particularly if they’re doing wrong?”
The answer: Because all life belongs to God, it’s sacred. An attack on a person being, in effect, an attack against God. Think of it as a parent: If anyone hurt your child, what would it do to you?
In effect, built upon our commandment last week that dealt with family, this commandment broadens that idea out. It is based upon the premise that WE ARE ALL FAMILY, ALL GOD’S CHILDREN. We are inseparably INTERCONNECTED; and thus an attack against one is an attack against all.
And from this, basically, the final point here is that, as family, everyday lives come to us, LIVES ARE ENTRUSTED TO US – family members - and what we make of them ultimately makes our own lives, makes the “family” we know every day. To put it another way: This commandment is stated negatively: “No murdering.” But what is the POSITIVE restatement of this? “NURTURE LIFE!” This is what it ultimately comes down to: Not just avoiding the negative; but pursuing the positive! And how do we do this? Two closing thoughts:
First, as with God, SEE EVERY LIFE AS SACRED. Remember that even the most messed up life, the most annoying, most sinful, most broken, is holy – beloved of God. Strive to see all this way: the Godly. Look for the good in others.
Do you remember the story of the two evil brothers? There once were these two brothers – Jim and Tom. They were the richest men in town and they controlled much of the town, and they were just plain rotten people. They were vicious in their business practices, corrupt, cruel. They stole, cheated, drove people to ruin. They seemed to just like to go out of their way to hurt people. They were terrible individuals.
Well, one day, Jim died and his brother Tom went to the local pastor to ask him to perform the funeral. The pastor agreed, but then Tom made one stipulation, he said, “Pastor, I want you to perform the funeral, but at the service I want you to say good things about my brother. In fact, I want you to say that my brother was a SAINT.”
The pastor couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He replied, “You’ve got to be kidding! There’s no way I can say that your brother was a saint!” Tom continued, “Well, listen pastor, I’ll make you a deal. If, at the funeral, you say that my brother was a saint, then I’ll give the church 10 million dollars.”
Again the pastor couldn’t believe what he was hearing, he couldn’t believe the incredible gall of Tom. I mean, he had seen the brothers do some terrible things in their day, but this was the worst: Trying to bribe a man of God in the house of the Lord to betray the truth?! To say his brother was a saint?! It was outrageous! However, as the pastor also knew, his little church could really use the money! He was in a quandary. He couldn’t possibly tell a lie, but he also desperately needed the cash. What was he to do? He wrestled with this constantly in the days leading up to the service.
Well, finally, the day of the funeral arrived, and as the pastor entered the sanctuary still struggling with this, as he walked up to the pulpit, he looked down at the casket containing Jim’s body, and then saw Tom sitting in the front pew; and suddenly an inspiration came upon him. He began his eulogy:
“Brothers and sister, today we have gathered here to pay our last respects to Jim. As all of you know, Jim was a most evil and wicked person. He was corrupt in business and mean to his neighbor. He lied, cheated, and stole. He never did a kind thing for anyone and he never had a good word to say. He was a terrible individual. But know this: No matter how evil and rotten and wicked he was; one thing is for sure... compared to his brother, he was a SAINT!”
Tom was forced to pay up! There’s always something good – sometimes it just takes some real digging, real creativity, to find it! Sometimes it’s tough, but see every life as sacred. And then, finally, ACT ON THAT. Realize with every life you come in contact with that they have been entrusted to you for a time: How can I give life not take it? How can I nurture the sacredness of this life not callously disregard and neglect and abuse and destroy it? Encourage, praise, hope, lift, give... Christian author Skye Jethani writes:
“Ghassan Thomas leads one of the few public churches that emerged [in Baghdad] after Saddam Hussein was toppled. His congregation erected a sign on their building that said ‘Jesus Is the Light of the World,’ but the church was raided by bandits who left behind a threat on a piece of cardboard. It read: Jesus is not the light of the world, Allah is, and you have been warned.’ The note was signed ‘The Islamic Shiite Party.’
“In response, Pastor Ghassan loaded a van with children's gifts and medical supplies — which were in critically short supply following the American invasion — and drove to the headquarters of the Islamic Shiite Party. After presenting the gifts and supplies to the sheikh, Ghassan told the leader, ‘Christians have love for you, because our God is a God of love.’ He then asked permission to read from the Bible. Ghassan turned to Jesus’ words in John 8, ‘I am the light of the world.’ He then showed the cardboard note to the sheikh. The Muslim leaders, astounded by Pastor Thomas’s actions, apologized profusely.
“’This will not happen again,’ [the sheikh] vowed. ‘You are my brother. If anyone comes to kill you, it will be my neck first.’ The sheikh later attended Pastor Thomas’s ordination service at the church.”
Pastor Thomas saw not enemies but lives worth saving – sacred – and acted on that; and life came to him... family!

The sixth commandment, a most difficult command reminding us that we are caught up together in life and death: Sometimes there is no right answer. Murder begins in the heart. And lives are entrusted to us. How are we doing with that?
“You shall not murder.”

Honor Your Father and Your Mother

God’s Top Ten List, V:
“Honor Your Father and Your Mother”
Exodus 20:12
Rev. Clark Lynn Callender, 10/10/10

Have you ever noticed how your perspective on things often changes over time, as your situation, your place in life, shifts... particularly as you grow older and, perhaps, come to see some of the wisdom of your elders that you dismissed in your youth?
Mark Twain once made the following observation of his own life – he said: “When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at just how much the old guy had learned in those 7 years!”
The commandment we are studying this morning is much like this. “Honor your father and your mother...” When I first learned this as a boy it seemed the most one-sided, unfair rule I had ever heard. Yet now that I’m a parent, I don’t know... It seems to have a real nice “ring” to it!

The Fifth Commandment. With this we begin the concluding series of six laws all of which directly address our TREATMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE. Having laid the foundation of our relationship with God we now turn to the issue of our relationship to others – as Jesus taught us: All the Law can be summed up in two basic teachings: Love God with all. And love your neighbor as yourself.
Well, of course, as soon as we even just begin to get into the whole issue of our interaction with others, problems arise. This is a commandment which traditionally causes a fair amount of confusion and grief. It is a commandment that creates a sort-of unspoken TENSION...
To begin with, as already hinted at, there is simply the IMBALANCE of this law. That is, in the parent-child relationship, this commandment only makes a demand of the child; nothing appears to be asked of the parent! (And remember, when I use the word “child” I don’t necessarily mean a YOUNG person. I mean a person of any age in relation to their parents. No matter how old we are, we are still our parent’s children! This commandment is addressed to “children” of all ages!)
So then, within this commandment there is this inherent imbalance – the onus being entirely on the child, while nothing seems to be required of the parent. And here’s where the real problem kicks in, namely:
What happens when the PARENTS ARE NO GOOD?
Not everyone has the good fortune of growing up in a “happy home;” many, in fact, sadly, are raised in situations where one or both of their parents are downright evil! What do you do about that?! This commandment demands from every child a certain relationship with their parents, seemingly regardless of their parent’s behavior. And as if that wasn’t bad enough, no explanations, no qualifications, no exemptions are put forward!
What are we to make of this?
Remember, even the best of parents can (and commonly do) make serious mistakes – as the old saying goes: “If raising a family was easy they wouldn’t have called the start of it labor.” It’s tough, we all make mistakes; and we do ourselves a great disservice if we approach this commandment simply from the standpoint of applying it to some idealized, rosy, fantasy image of parenting!
So, before we get down to what this commandment says, I believe we first need to take a moment to consider what it DOESN’T SAY. As with all the commandments, what they don’t say is as important as what they do; and we get ourselves into all sorts of trouble if we’re not clear on this!
Does this commandment say that a person must OBEY their parents? NO! I realize this is the way this commandment is quite frequently interpreted, and the way all parents would like to apply it (!); yet notice that God says nothing here about obedience. That’s a whole other topic! Sorry parents!
Does this commandment say that a person must RESPECT their parents? Once again, this is quite often the way this is understood and applied; yet once again, the answer is NO. As we will see, the word “honor” here is not (despite our common usage) INTERCHANGEABLE with the notion of respect. And, in point of fact, we already know this from our own experience:
Respect is something that cannot be demanded, it can only be earned. In this manner, it is therefore possible to honor someone WITHOUT RESPECTING them. For instance: A person holding political office. It is possible to honor the authority of that office and yet fail to respect the person holding that office. (But then, that’s a crazy illustration because who ever heard of not respecting a politician?!)
Finally, does this commandment say that a person must LOVE their parents? Once again, NO.
Quite frankly, due to a whole variety of circumstances, many people unfortunately grow up never loving one, or both, of their parents. And, quite naturally, they will feel GUILTY about this – like there’s something wrong with them. And as if this wasn’t bad enough, they read this commandment and then also tend to imagine some pressure from God commanding them to love their parents. Yet note that this commandment never says that one MUST LOVE their parents – or even like them. This is, of course, the greatest hope; yet, once again, such things cannot be commanded!
So then, this is what this commandment does not say; but what does it say to us?
(I)
Well, to begin with, this commandment, most obviously, in its broadest sense, proclaims the CENTRALITY (that is, the prime importance) OF FAMILY – not only within one’s life in general; but, most particularly, within one’s life WITH GOD. Note that this is the FIRST SUBJECT God raises in turning to the complicated issue of our relationship to other people. And remember, all the Ten Commandments are ultimately a means of expressing one’s relationship with God – this fifth one, dealing with family, being no different. Now think about that...
We all know that our families (regardless of their structure – and, despite, what many may say, there is no one set structure that defines a family...) play a key role, THE KEY ROLE, in the creation of WHO WE ARE as individuals: It is within our families where we first learn our values, first practice social behavior, and so forth. We all know this. But do we also generally recognize that how our families operate (or fail to operate) also creates much of WHO GOD IS to us (or is NOT to us!)? For example:
Let’s say there’s a person who grows up with a father who is absent, or who is always too busy with other “more important” things to give them any time, or who is just a child-support check in the mail (or a child-support check NOT in the mail), or who is downright abusive – physically or emotionally... When this person comes to church and is instructed to pray, “Our FATHER, who art in heaven...” What do you think goes through their mind? Do you think they want to have anything to do with this God? Of course not!
Now this may be an extreme example; but it makes the point that we don’t take the ordinary everyday messages we are sending one another – most particularly as a FAMILY – seriously enough! In this commandment, God is saying first: FAMILY IS CRUCIAL – out of this everything grows (or dies), how it operates creates much of one’s relationship with God. And as we’ve seen over the past few weeks: The nature of one’s relationship with God is what alone ultimately makes or breaks one’s whole life! We have to pay close attention to this at all times!
Thus, while (as noted) this commandment appears directed only at the children; we can see that truly the responsibility rests just as much, if not more, with the PARENTS: This commandment does not exist in a vacuum – it’s set within the framework of EVERYONE being expected to be keeping all ten! Basically, for the parents who seek the obedience, respect, and love this commandment does not require; are they living the type of Godly lives that produce such things?
That is, the children are instructed by God to “honor” their parents; but the “Godly parent,” knowing this realizes that he or she must then live “HONORABLY” – for God’s sake! And this applies not only to the so-called “religious stuff”: like going to church, and saying grace at mealtime; but almost even more to all the everyday, ordinary activities of family life:
The parents who never let their children see them working through any difference – parents who themselves maybe never do try to work through any differences, or who only show moments of yelling and anger; tend to create children FEARFUL OF CONFLICT – thus WEAK IN FAITH: They’re afraid to every really question or doubt anything. Fearful to ever disagree and have differences. Conflict is bad, painful, and anger-filled.
The family where mistakes are constantly brought up and never forgotten; tends to know an UNFORGIVING God.
The homes where no achievement is ever quite good enough, where disappointment and criticism and correction are permitted to outweigh and overshadow praise and satisfaction and gratitude; tends to create an UNLOVING, JUDGMENTAL God – a God for whom nothing is ever enough.
While conversely...
The home where spills are laughed at more often than yelled at; knows an UNDERSTANDING God.
The family where at least one meal every day is shared together around a common table, not everyone always off on their own; knows a God who HAS TIME FOR YOU.
The parents who, when their child asks for milk, occasionally brings them chocolate milk as a surprise; creates a God who is BETTER THAN EXPECTED!
The incredible power of all that every day, family “stuff”! As someone once said: “The words spoken over the dinner table say far more about who God is than all the words spoken in prayer.”
Everything we do as families ultimately expresses our relationship with God. Are we paying close enough attention to this? Do we recognize that we may very well be, continually, making or breaking whole lives – the lives around us – every day? The text first challenges us: In our families are we helping or hindering one another on to God? Are we living the teachings of Christ in our homes – or is this, sadly, where we are least Christian? How can we help those we love on to God today? Author Dick Innes writes:
“When my boys were little, I would tuck them into bed every night, say their prayers with them, and speak positive affirmations to them... affirmations such as, ‘I am so proud of you,’ ‘I’m so glad God sent you to be a part of our family,’ etc., etc. I used to whisper these affirmations in their ear when they were asleep. I don’t know if it helped, but I knew it wouldn’t hurt and maybe, just maybe it might record the message in their unconscious mind to help reinforce the fact that they were very much wanted and loved.
“When my youngest son, Mark, was about nine I crept into his bedroom early one morning. I was certain he was asleep... because he looked like an angel! I quietly leaned over and whispered in his ear, ‘O beloved of the Lord.’ As quick as a flash he spun his head around and, in the darkness of the room, looking upward, said without a moment’s hesitation, ‘Is that you God?’ When I regained my composure, I whispered back in his ear, ‘No, it’s not God, but God sent me to tell you that.’ And in that moment, I realized just how often, for him, my voice is speaking for God – and the sacred trust that truly is.”
This commandment first reminds us of the CENTRALITY OF FAMILY in all our relationships with God.
(II)
From this, then, this commandment secondly tells us that OUR FAMILIES, by their very design, WILL HAVE PROBLEMS! That is, it points toward the STRUGGLE OF FAMILY.
This, of course, is the whole premise of the commandment: That within all families there are troubles – TENSIONS. Most notably between the GENERATIONS – differences and separations between parents and children, each “chafing” at each other. If such problems were not common, not normal and natural to all families, then God wouldn’t have had to provide a commandment regarding it; but God did, and in that we can find a great deal of comfort and instruction...
First of all, it should COMFORT us by letting us know that if we are having some sort of problem in our family, there’s nothing abnormal about that; and we can be assured that God is aware of such things, understands them, even expects them, and is acting to address them.
Secondly, even more, this should then INSTRUCT us by hinting that, perhaps, if we can try to be even just a bit more aware and understanding and expecting of such problems as God is; we can also then be able to address them properly in some fashion as God does. My father once taught me a great lesson on exactly this – without his even knowing it. What happened is this:
As hard as it is believe, when I was younger, most notably when I was a teenager; I had long, thick, flowing BLOND HAIR! Well, at one point, my hair was very long – all the way down to my shoulders. Now, my father was not too pleased by this; but I’ll never forget what he told me one day – he said: “You know, I really don’t like your hair that long; but I remember that, when I was your age, I always wanted to have hair longer than my father would allow me to have, so go ahead and grow it whatever length you want.”
Little did I know, at the time, that he would eventually have the last laugh: For I now wear my hair exactly like my father! {bald}
But you see, my father handled that situation perfectly because he REMEMBERED – that is: He was aware of, and understanding of, and expecting of family TENSION. He didn’t have some fantasy image of family, as so many people do – where everyone always agrees, no problems... No, he knew that tension and difference defines family just as much as peace and happiness does! And what he ultimately knew was that how he handled this was KEY.
He took a tension between us and turned it into a moment that made us closer. How? By knowing what isn’t worth fighting over, by remembering his own experiences, by letting me be myself; and most importantly: By GIVING OF HIMSELF to the relationship not just demanding from it.
The second theme of this commandment: A “perfect family” is an oxymoron! There is no such thing! There’s always going to be TENSION: differences, disagreements, failures, injuries. The issue is not IF such things will arise but only HOW WILL WE HANDLE THEM? Do we just insist on our own way, demand only of the other person – in effect become an island unto ourselves; or, as the core of this commandment demands: BE IN RELATIONSHIP with others when there is tension. Most especially: not demand of the other but give of ourselves to them.
Basically, the second challenge in this commandment is this: What tension is there presently within your family – and what are you doing about it? Not what are you demanding someone else do about it; but what are you doing about it? What are you GIVING to the relationship? One author writes:
“There once was a father who became quite disturbed about the length of time his six year old son was taking to get home from school. The father decided he would make the trip to discover for himself how long it should take a small boy to cover the distance. The father settled on 20 minutes but his son was still taking an hour. Finally the father decided to follow his son home one day to see what was taking so long. After the trip, the man said, ‘The 20 minutes I thought reasonable was right, but I failed to consider such important things as a side trip to track down a trail of ants; or an educational stop to watch construction workers fix the street; or the time it took to swing around a half dozen telephone poles; or how much time it took for a boy to get acquainted with two stray dogs and a brown cat.’ ‘In short,’ said the father, ‘I had forgotten what it is really like to be six years old. I let him take some extra time now."
(III)
The centrality of family, the struggle of family... All of which brings us, finally to: What about THIS WHOLE “HONOR” THING?
Well, as noted earlier, the word “honor” here does not mean obey, or respect, or love, It is, in fact, derived for a root word meaning “to MAKE HEAVY.” In other words, in this context, to say that you honor someone is, literally, to “GIVE WEIGHT” to them. The reverse of this, obviously, being literally “to TAKE LIGHTLY.” In other words, what this commandment is telling us is not to “take our parents lightly;” to, instead, “give weight” to them. But what does this mean? Does it mean we’re just supposed to FEED our parents – take them out dinner? Not a bad idea, but actually it really means two things:
First of all, it is an instruction to remember the basic VALUE, first of our parents and then, through them, of all other people – and how life can fall apart when we forget this.
In ancient times, WEIGHT was equated with WORTH. In contrast to our modern, “you can never be too thin” culture, in ancient cultures, heaviness was a sign of PROSPERITY – it was a good thing. If you had enough food to be heavy, you were doing well. Weight was value. A remnant of this type of thinking today being, for example, CURRENCY founded upon the WEIGHT of GOLD.
Using this understanding of “honor”, many scholars contend that what God is really attempting to counter here is the all too common DEVALUATION of parents by their children – particularly as those parents grow older and move from productivity to needing to be provided for. That is, the danger is that each generation will discard its predecessors the instant those predecessors are deemed NO LONGER USEFUL by them, a “burden” – something which we need only look to our modern society to discover is rampant: in families, in a youth-oriented culture, in the church itself! But let us not forget the “promise” of this commandment:

What is the REVERSE of this? By inference: “fail to do this and your days will be short.” Why? Because when we toss aside the generation that came before us we effectively throw away all they have to offer to us – we lose out; and in this, essentially set up the pattern where WE ARE NEXT! That is, “those who live by the sword shall die by the sword.” When we devalue others we effectively devalue ourselves. But when we value them we value us. Think of it this way...
Have you ever heard the story, told by the Brothers Grimm, of “The Old Man and the Bowl”? It goes like this:
There once was a little old man, of trembling hands and feeble eyes, whose uncertain table habits became increasingly offensive to the daughter-in-law with whom he lived, until one day she objected vigorously to her husband, the old man’s son. She and her husband took the fumbling old man to a corner of the kitchen, set him on a stool, and gave him his food in an earthenware bowl. Now he was no longer troubling them by his dribbling food; now the tablecloth was no longer soiled by his trembling behavior.
One day, in his trembling, he dropped the bowl and broke it. Now his son and daughter-in-law ceased even their moderate civility. “If you are a pig,” they said, “you must eat from a trough.” And they made a little wooden trough, and the old man was forced to kneel down in the corner of the kitchen and eat from it.
The pride and joy of this couple’s life was their 4-year-old son. One evening they noticed the boy playing with his blocks in the serious fashion which children often invest in their play. The parents asked him, “What are you making, son? A house? A castle? A Fort?” “No,” the young boy replied with a happy smile, “I’m making a trough for you two to eat out of when I grow up!”
It is most telling that, in saying only one thing here directly about family, God chooses a word that emphasizes not losing sight of the VALUE of our family members to us. For it is exactly around this that most families ultimately FALL APART: More than injuries and failings, it’s when we lose sight of the VALUE of one another – let ourselves forget it, mistreat it, allow other things to take greater value. Are you truly valuing your loved ones? Valuing one another is the heart of family.
When we devalue the generation that came before us the whole thing collapses! We lose the GIFT of what they offered, devalue ourselves, and this leads us into the other way that “honor” as “to give weight to” can be taken, which is as: “to TAKE SERIOUSLY.” That is: the reverse of “to take lightly.”
In effect, the final “punch line” of all of this is that this commandment can finally be simply taken as word of SAGE ADVICE from a God who has “seen it all”, saying: “If you want your life to be good, take your parents – their lives – seriously! Listen to what they say. Study closely what they do, and don’t do, what they did and didn’t do. All the lessons you need to have a great life are there.”
Now this means, first of all, obviously, trying to DO what our parents did RIGHT. You know, it’s amazing how often we miss this. It’s like the old saying: “Many people are so busy trying to give their children what they never had that they forget to give them what they did.” But also, just as importantly, it means that we need to learn from our parent’s MISTAKES – and not repeat them! Once again, it’s amazing how often we miss this!
Have you ever had those moments, as an adult, where you suddenly found yourself doing something exactly like your parents did - what you said you’d never do? Those moments when you realize you’ve turned into your mother or father?!
The person who makes an effort to repeat the good their parents did rightly honors their mother and father – they take the impact of those lives seriously. But the person who allows themselves to repeat the evil their parents did, or who just takes the cop-out for their failings: “It’s the way I was raised; it’s all I know” – they dishonor their parents by not learning from them and moving beyond them – not taking them seriously enough.
In all of this we finally see why God ultimately focused all of the attention solely upon the relationship with our parents: Because this is the FOUNDATION of everything else. This is what unites us all: we may not all be parents but we are all always children. What our parents give us to us – good or bad, and what we choose to make of it – good or bad – creates our world. The first thing one learns in this life is how to be a child of a parent – and from that everything else grows. What are we making of what we’ve learned?
Ask yourself two questions: What is the BEST thing about my parents – and am I living that, offering it to my family and to the world? And what would I CHANGE about my parents – and am I making that change and offering it to my family and to the world? It all begins with that initial child to parent relationship – and what we choose to make of it throughout our lives. The makings of a great life is there – if we will only “honor” it. One author writes:
“We come by business naturally in our family. Each of the seven children in our family worked in our father’s store in Mott, North Dakota, a small town on the prairies. We started working by doing odd jobs like dusting, arranging shelves and wrapping, and later graduated to serving customers. As we worked and watched, we learned that work was about more than survival and making a sale.
“One lesson stands out in my mind. It was shortly before Christmas. I was in the eighth grade and was working evenings, straightening the toy section. A little boy, five or six years old, came in. He was wearing a brown tattered coat with dirty worn cuffs. His hair was straggly, except for a cowlick that stood straight up from the crown of his head. His shoes were scuffed and his one shoelace was torn. The little boy looked poor to me - too poor to afford to buy anything. He looked around the toy section, picked up this item and that, and carefully put them back in their place. Dad came down the stairs and walked over to the boy. My dad’s steel blue eyes smiled and the dimple in his cheek stood out as he asked the boy what he could do for him. The boy said he was looking for a Christmas present to buy his brother. I was impressed that Dad treated him with the same respect as any adult. Dad told him to take his time and look around. He did.
“After about 20 minutes, the little boy carefully picked up a toy plane, walked up to my dad and said, ‘How much for this, Mister?’ ‘How much you got?’ Dad asked. The little boy held out his hand and opened it. His hand was creased with wet lines of dirt from clutching his money. In his hand lay two dimes, a nickel and two pennies - 27 cents. The price on the toy plane he’d picked out was $3.98.
“’That’ll just about do it,’ Dad said as he closed the sale. Dad’s reply still rings in my ears. I thought about what I’d seen as I wrapped the present. When the little boy walked out of the store, I didn’t notice the dirty, worn coat, the straggly hair, or the single torn shoelace. What I saw was a radiant child with a treasure. My father had made that happen.
“As my father walked past me, to get back to work, noticing I had been observing all this, he said to me, ‘Remember son, there’s more to life than making a living.’
“Today I run the store and I have made it my goal to live my father’s lesson – and it has repeatedly blessed me: to not just make a living but to live. Thank-you, dad.”

A philosopher once said: “Many things may change us, many influences may affect us; but in the final analysis, we begin and end with family.”
The Fifth Commandment – God addressing the crucial issue of proper human relationship beginning with the foundational relationship: FAMILY – PARENT AND CHILD.
Family is central. Family is a struggle. Value your parents and live the lessons they taught you - a great life is there!

“Honor your father and your mother,
so that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving to you.”